10/25/25 - Diwali event, new chapter, praying, observing people

Woke up earlier than my alarm but just stayed in bed. The air felt different today. Idk what it was. I just knew I was officially in overflow energy. I also decided that I don’t need to pray every minute, or believe that if I’m not praying, something bad was going to happen. I needed to make it a part of my morning ritual to just pray for the intentions of the rest of my day to and tell god that me not activitely praying doesn’t mean I’m silent (as what I thought of before). My peace is also prayer. It’s trust. And I know this concept is so simple, but idk why I never understood this before. I was always just a ball of anxiety. It also finally makes sense why people do the diva in the beginning of the day. It’s them praying and setting their intention. I swear the older I get the more ayurvedic and spirtual living makes sense.

Today is also the day for the event. The day I’ve been waiting for so long.

Got up, showered, mom shaved my back, and then did my diva, and took off. My co-worker’s flight kept getting delayed, so part of me wanted to keep texting her updates, but at one point I was like she’s an adult.

While I was in the uber, I realized I made a huge mistake. Normally, I leve the house two hours before boarding but this time I mistakenly woke up 2 hours before boarding. I was going to make it exactly when boarding started and the guy also took a wrong turn. Part of me wanted to panic and pray but then I was like I already prayed and told god in the morning. He knows what to do and what I want. I need to be calm. So I stayed calm and I literally made it through security in 10 minutes. As soon as I got to my gate, it was my time to board, not a minute wasted.

On the flight, my phone was already dying, so I decided to just stay still and do anything to calm my nervous system down. I also kept checking up on my mom to see when my cousin was going to pick her up. I felt like I couldn’t fully relax until I knew she was safe. I took a nap for a bit too and then woke up and started reading my book that I brought. I was just skimming to the end. It even had a section about fear and how it can’t colive with balance. Anyways, my flight landed earlier than the co-workers flight.

I went up to the hotel shuttle area and told myself that I would uber with her, but take the shuttle if it came. The shuttle ended up coming right when she texted me saying she was here. Old me would have waited for her and made sure she was okay. This me was like she’s an adult, she can come by herself. Also I wanted to get situated and I was already waiting for an hour, so I left. Checked in and got situated in the hotel room. It was nice and bright. Watched gilmore girls, and then she came a hour later. Waiting for her would have meant wasting another hour, and being in survival mode trying to figure out where the uber locations were. It would have just took me out of calm mode.

She came, and as soon as I met her I was super calm. I didn’t try performing at all. I was okay with silence. We dropped her bags, and then went back down. I told her I was eating a salad and part of me thought I sounded a bit pretentious. While we were talking, I feel like she got a bit defensive over her wanted coke and pasta, so I took a step back and just let her lead the convo. My Mediterranean bowl was so filling and felt healthy.

We went upstairs, did some “before” tiktoks, chilled in bed. I put my face mask on and the glamsquad person texted saying they were early. She had some issue with parking but brought her up after a bit. The lady was literally 70 and ngl looked a little crack head ish. But whatever, told her what kind of hair I wanted and got along with her. I didn’t have my own clips, so she took them out pretty quick but put tons of hairspray. She was quick and then left. The overall hair was okay. It wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t mind blown by it.

I did my makeup. Somehow the makeup was actually makeuping so I was happy about it. We got ready, helped each other put the blouses on, and by this point it was already 6. We did some final touches and decided we were going to take pictures while we waited for the uber. She brought her digital camera, so we used that. Overall, she was nice and more than willing to take pictures of me. The car ride was 50 minutes, so we took some pictures, watched Netflix for 10 minutes, and then just talked. She was telling me things about her boyfriend. Idk what it is but i just don’t think they’re end game. She also said she was having social anxiety. Somehow I was super calm. Kind of shocked because I was having social anxiety just yesterday.

As soon as we got there a girl looked at me, waved, and said her name. I was so caught off guard that I literally looked behind me to see if she was waving to someone behind me, but it was for me. This was kind of a bit shocking because all my life I would have to go up to people and introduce myself, people wouldn’t just walk up to me.

We all stood in line to get our picture taken. Met another girl too. Also noticed that everyone at the party literally just went up to random people and said “Hi, I’m ___”. It wasn’t weird at all. Seemed common. I tried to keep my cool talking to the girl, and didn’t force myself to entertain her. I was kind of happy that my coworker was with me, so I could just pass her off to her and focus on being still.

As soon as we were done with pictures, I immediately saw the host and said hi to her. She was soooo pretty. Like way prettier in real life. She was also way more grounded than I thought she would be. She asked me if I knew someone from Chicago, and I told her I didn’t so when we were grabbing drinks that guy came up to me. He was really unhinged, so it did make me more comfortable.

The coworker girl/social media person I hired was being very obvious about wanting to take pictures. I am kind of didn’t want to drive attention to myself until the other girl who initially said hi also wanted to take pictures.

That’s when the photographer came and took pictures of us too. There was supposed to be someone stationed in front of our photo area, but that wasn’t really happening.

Throughout the night, I was just being very mellow, again moving with the crowd not wanting to stand out. I was more in the mood to notice than stand out, and that’s how I felt grounded. I didn’t feel overstimulated at all. I felt calm the whole time.

I always wondered if when I entered in a room full of successful people, would I feel it in the air? Like is their frequency really high? Can you feel their aura? Almost like how people say they feel Shahrukh Khan’s aura, but the whole night I actually didn’t feel like they were necessarily “above” me. Like I was their fan. I was mesmerized by some people’s beauty for sure. But I also noticed that I could sense that some people just felt the same way. Like some were anxious to talk to others, others were anxiously talking, some were practicing being still, others were performative, and some were just loud. I was able to catch and just witness the different frequencies.

When it was time to dance, this one white guy pulled me and said something about “embarrassment,” basically telling me I shouldn’t be embarrassed but honestly I just felt like staying in my bubble. I genuinely didn’t feel like dancing. I did dance for a few seconds and then left the dance floor.

The guy I was initially talking to got drunk and I could sense that people were noticing it and didn’t want to be around him. But he was introducing me to people, so I didn’t really care. The food was okay. They had thepla tacos and noodles and stuff. Tbh I wasn’t really eating but the noodles were good. My coworker girl dropped the pani puri and was getting overstimulated, so I was just talking to her.

We got our mendhi done too.. she wanted to initially but I had to ease into it a bit once I saw other people doing it. I also came around to taking pictures of other people and got a bit more social. Was even talking to Katseye’s manager, crazy. There was this one guy I knew, but I didn’t even feel like going up to him. Dinner was served super late but I ate the butter chicken because I was like technically in chicago it’s past 12.

Said bye the host and then we left. The lyft was having problems, so I was just talking to the guy at the gate. On the ride back to the hotel, both of us just sat in silence. I washed my face and just sat in bed watching some tiktoks before knocking out.

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I will say there were 2 girls that really caught my attention. She was still and didn’t say anything but she had this aura. Like she was almost in the same frequency as me. And then there was this other girl that was soooo pretty but so calm and grounding. You can feel her beauty radiate without it leaking. She and I also said something brief and I knew which influencer she was too. I knew both of the influencers. Both of them weren’t leaking their energy and I feel like that’s what made them stand out. They both barely said a word or smiled. But there was something there. I get the magnetic pull of them being a mystery.

I did feel like I was a follower today and it reminded me of what J said of me just wanting to fit in. I feel like that’s why I spent the past couple of months proving myself to not be a follower and just pulling attention towards me by having audacity. Today I just wanted to stay hidden and observe and I don’t think that was a bad thing. Maybe in the future, I’ll find a way to be grounded, observe and also not follow. Idk if by being still/hidden if I was carrying my light my spark or if I was actually hidden.

Oh and my candles were great!! They smelled so good, and made the whole room just feel so much more authentic.

Intuition - I’m really proud of myself for staying grounded the whole time.

10/10 - I had a great time and everything I could have imagined went smoothly.

Energy:
50% - staying grounded
25% - meeting the new girl
25% - attending the event I’ve been waiting for