10/24/25 - Peace from responsibilities

Yesterday I couldn’t even do my journal because the anxiety was so high and it carried over to today. 

I woke up on a mission to literally get everything I needed to get done, so I’m not stressing out at 10pm because I already knew my stress levels were already so high that if I was still packing at 10-11pm, I might actually have a whole meltdown. 

I ended up waking up before the alarm because I felt like I had so much to do. Chilled in bed for a bit and then went to go shower. Shaved my legs and washed my hair. Literally I was shaking today because the anxiety was just so high. I was just so scared to step out of the house but I needed to. I decided after I was done straightening my hair I needed to take it one step at a time. And finally made it to get my eyebrows done. Quickly came home after, ate, watched tv with mom, and then went to go pack. I got my mom to help me and together we used the vacuum bags and literally got all my stuff inside a carryon. I was insanely impressed and wondered by I didn’t use them when I was living out of my backpack or moving back and forth form SF to Chicago. Anyways, took a couple of minutes to rest and Pinterest what kind of nails I wanted. Found this ombré thing that I thought would look cool.

Again while praying finally drove to the nail salon and they agreed to do it. I was originally going to do one with a red ombré but decided to do classic pink and white instead. Even while I was getting my nails done, I was like one thing at a time. I’m here at least I’m getting them done

Originally i scheduled a showing for today but after a while I was like fuck it. And finally relaxed a bit. I was so chill literally I didn’t even care what the same of my nails looked like, just showed them a inspo picture and trusted them. 

Honestly the end result was pretty good. He used an airbrush, so it did get all over my hands, but at the end everyone was so amazed that they took pictures of it. For $60 including tip honestly not bad at all. 

Anyways, before going home dropped off something at my best friends house. And then went to the mandir. 

Came home and packed a bit, ate with mom, watched tv with her, packed the rest, broke all the boxes down and I was done with everything by 9pm. Literally a first time record. 

Also ended up booking a hair stylist for tomorrow at 4:30 for only $60 including tip for dry hair. 

Earlier in the morning, I paid my best friend $10 for the tiramisu she made yday. Literally was obsessed. Not because I need to feel like I need to even it out with her. But because I have more to give, I’m abundant and she put the effort in and came through for me. 

Earlier in the day I somehow convinced my mom to go to my Masi’s and I didn’t realize it but that’s when I was about to breathe again. I was so stressed before that where I thought if I was too happy something would happen to mom, and sure it very well could but at least I know my cousin will be there and I trust him for grown up things. Her facing something alone and me just enjoying was literally killing me to another level. I just couldn’t be happy and I didn’t even realize all this. I was just so down deep in anxiety. I realized it after it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Like i could finally focus on letting happiness come to me. 

Anyways took a melatonin gummy and time to sleep. 

Intuition - I feel like sometimes when you’re deep in anxiety, you don’t even realize it until you get a second to get out of it.

7/10 - Feel a bit better today knowing my mom won’t be alone

Energy:

33% - trying to prepare for tomorrow and not get overwhelmed
34% - staying fearless and calm
33% - relief