10/23/25 - Ball of anxiety, bhai bheej

Woke up as a ball full of anxiety on everything I needed to get done. Put the clothes in the washer and picked out what I was going to wear next week.

Worked and ate, and watched TV with mom.

At like 3:30ish, I went to my best friend’s house to get the tiramisu she made but she wasn’t home and I wanted her to come with me to do returns, so I just waited for her to come back from her walk. Literally had so many returns that I was sending her some to return on my behalf too, especially since I just went crazy and ordered a bunch of combinations for all my outfits.

She came with me to kohl's and then we went to Sephora to get a couple of makeup items for my look. I wanted purple eyeliner but also got a green one and some eyeshadow.

Came home and was supposed to make trader joe’s dumpling soup, but my mom already made a bunch of food.

We cleaned a bit, and then my cousin came over for bhai bheej dinner. He actually dressed up really nice. Him and I went to the mandir first, and on the walk there it was a bit awkward. I wasn’t really fond of the silence. It felt awkward and I felt like I was overextending myself.

He was fairly nice and just being present while we were eating. He was rushing or anything. At the end of the night, I made him some tea and we started talking about politics, places that are meant for us based on our charts, and other things. Basically how Chicago is a fight and flight location for both of us. I feel like I have my moments with him where we bond.

We ate Tiramisu and he said he loved it. At the end of the night, he also texted saying we should hang out more often.

Part of me thinks I’m only nice to him when I need him, so I kind of feel like being more consistent about it. Idk why but it’s almost like my younger sibling syndrome kicks in. I’m also trying to forgive him for things he’s done in the past.

On the other note, my best friend is kind of blowing up on Tiktok and I don’t feel jealous. It feels like she’s in alignment with it. I know my time will come too when I’m in the flow.

There’s a lot going on in the neighborhood and today I got my best friend to come with me but what about tomorrow. It just feels so scary to even step outside, like I’m fully in fight or flight mode. Like I almost can’t even believe I’m living like this right now, something I took fully for granted.

Intuition - I’ll be okay. One day at a time.

7/10 - Was a super busy day, but bonded with my cousin

Energy:
20% - preparing for dinner with my cousin
40% - preparing for my trip
40% - bonding with my cousin