10/22/25 - Gujju new years
I woke up from a dream where my high school ex-boyfriend gave me $2,000 for my birthday as a way to almost “buy” me or take him back. I told him I was still going to make the decision I was going to make and money didn’t matter for me because I saw his face while giving me the money, it felt like bad energy. I kept $400 though as like a “thanks for getting me a birthday gift”.
I woke up a bit confused because a couple of months ago, I was teaching myself to never say no to money coming my way, but I knew this money came with expectations too.
I woke up and was like tbh I don’t want that money. I’m so abundant that I only except clean energy money my way because why would I choose negative energy money when I’m getting so much clean energy money. And idk if I’m going about this right because I feel like society has taught me that rich people only get rich with some sort of not clean energy money. Think about billionaires.
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Anyways, it was new years, so got ready, and then the plumber from yesterday called again basically saying there’s nothing the owner could have done and he did pass the permits. Idk how I feel about any of this anymore because sure if he clearly said he lacked a permit than yeah it made sense to really fight for myself. But I don’t even think I have a solid case anymore.. idk. I’m hoping what I should do just reveals on its own. Because even if I fight for it in court, it’s filled with negative energy. But idk if the test is about me choosing alignment and abundance or me fighting for my worth? Tbh I internally don’t care anymore about it, but I told the universe that I will fight if I need to. I just don’t feel an extreme pull to fight right now.
I want everything meant for me to come to me. I’m not chasing anything anymore unless I really need to.
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On the other note, after feeling like the energy was so high in the house on Diwali and then miserable yday I finally realized that I was definitely gaslighting myself and me feeling miserable all these months was so valid. I’m also starting to realize that my mom is the energy in the house.
Anyways, we ate, napped, and then I started feeling suffocated again. I’m miserable every time I shrink myself or hide in fear. Today was my mom’s test to listen to her intuition so we still went to the mandir for New Years. And idk how I felt there, I was just so distracted. I didn’t feel as happy as Diwali. I feel like Diwali really gave me perspective on my happiness. Because for months I have just been so sad and really couldn’t put a finger on it. Even today, technically, my mom was happy but I was still a bit lost.
Idk if I’m just taking on her energy or why I’m just so sad. Like even today felt like being on the verge of crying, just don’t know for what.
At the mandir, my mom said something that was “boundary” to her best friend and she was bit upset about it. I let her be upset even though I noticed it, but also made sure she was okay, and idk where I stand with that either because I feel like if I didn’t make sure she was okay, it’s not being considerate. But apparently I’m supposed to keep my energy to myself.
Intuition - I feel like I’m supposed to be sad and confused to “purge”
5/10 - I feel insanely confused and a bit sad but also aligned? Idk it’s confusing…
Energy:
50% - confused
50% - trying to keep to myself
