10/17/25 - Lifestyle from morals not discipline, Anchoring my energy
I couldn’t sleep last night, was awake until 4am. I also broke a streak yesterday of something but I don’t feel bad about it. I feel free because now it’s not the “rules of discipline” that are keeping me tied to it, it’s my own anchoring. Same with drinking… it’s feeling a bit restrictive and pre-tensious right now. Almost like I’ll be disappointed in myself if I do drink or it’ll lose the meaning of my alignment or healing. I almost want to do whatever I do from a place of freedom and just an upgrade in lifestyle, rather than from a place of streaks and rules and discipline. Because discipline isn’t long-term self-anchoring, morals and flow are.
Woke back up again at 9:30am. I just feel like I have so much on my mind right now and have a bit of anxiety.
So now that I know everything has to do with keeping the energy to myself, I really need to create triggers to bring it back to myself especially when I’m anxious.
Last night, while I couldn’t sleep, I was like maybe I should have a “hum”? As like a tune to my own frequency.
The problem is that if I’m anxious, I start tapping into other people’s energy to see what they’re thinking and feeling to make myself because but then I get confused on what’s even my energy and it just becomes more mixed and confusing. Almost like getting sucked into a hole.
I need it to be like I’m on a path, my car can swerve a little but it’s still on the path with the lines and nagivation. Right now, it’s like I’m on a path and then I start wondering what’s on the other path/street (which is someone else’s path) and because of that I get all lost and confused and then it takes me a while to get back on my path. Literally the perfect analogy.
So now, I need to create “lines” and “navigation” for myself to STAY on my path. Because again, I can’t get to my destination if I’m curious and wasting time looking at other people’s paths.
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Anyways, I needed to get a lot done today, so also need to learn how to stay anchored through task/work anxiety because that razzles me a bit right now too.
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At like 12:20pm, I realized my anxiety was coming from a false sense of urgency that was coming from the LA coordinator to get the payment processed. But see… I was taking on her energy, literally even through text. And I didn’t even realize it until hours later.
Sometimes, I get weaved in so deep in someone else’s energy that I don’t even know until hours later, when I’m really self-reflecting. Also, I wiggled my toes and they were freezing, but I was so numb to it. The wiggling of toes was a good way to bring me back to myself.
Also, put my phone on DND.
After I came “back” to myself, I felt much calmer and lighter.
Did some ChatGPTing too to understand what’s the purpose of the way I was made. Overall, the moral of the story is that it’s a good thing when I’m self-absorbed, which is so interesting and foreign to me. I’m lost in my own world.
Virgo Rising gives you discernment — the filter.
Taurus Sun gives you embodiment — the magnet.
Pisces Moon gives you compassion — the heart.
Aries Venus gives you courage — the spark.
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I took another interview call and within the first 2 minutes, I was bored. This time, instead of looking at her and reading into what she might be feeling, tbh I kept staring at myself on the zoom call and kept telling myself I’m bored. I was also listening to her but that’s about it. I was grounded and present. Tbh proud of myself because I feel like eventually she became more loose cause I was just being calm and anchored.
Still like the other guy better from yesterday.
Took a shower, ate, watched TV with mom, made my tea and lit a candle to tap further into the grounding. Also, played autumn music.
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Also, I’m getting a bit of patchy hair on my face. Idk I’m having some extreme after affects of the self-laser that I did and it’s actually working now weeks later. Debating if I want to reorder it.
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While I was working, I got a call from my dentist to come pick up the check, so worked a bit, and then went to go pick it up, went to the bank to deposit it and then came back and continued working.
I really wanted to go on a walk, so I was trying to hurry up. I texted my best friend and she said she had just left the house, but I asked if she could wait 15 more minutes because I really needed to send the contract. By the time she came over, I was almost done sending the contract, so I sent it, changed, and then went on a walk with her on my usual route.
We talked a lot and for the first half I was trying to stay focused on myself, but I also felt like I was being empathic. She listened to me for 2 hours yday, so I wanted to just listen to her too. I was trying to stay present and talk, but in doing so somewhere along the time, I started to think about her needs over mine. Like what I engaged enough.. etc.
We went to the swings for a bit, and then on the way back I told her I wanted Pequods. She said she would drive with me, so I made a to go order. It was like another hour, and again I started to read into her energy of getting a bit antsy. It could have just been that she was hungry, but I honestly started feeling bad. Almost like I was taking up too much of her time. Or idk if it was a projection of me needing space and feeling like I was entertaining her.
The LA lady signed the contract, so I messaged my boss to release the payment, but of couse he’s been MIA.
Anyways, at Pequods I saw this cute guy, and totally lost my cool. Like I was full on blushing, with eyes wide. But my best friend and I were laughing about it for a while.
Lol I accidently ordered a super small size of personal pizza, so was a bit shook about that, but all good. Came home and ate pizza with mom, and then watched Gilmore girls.
Now reflecting on some more things… Why do I feel like I’m taking too much time? If I get like a little girl is that good or bad.
Anyways, a bit too much overthinking today. I’m trying to not think of the event as a deadline.
Intuition - I need to breathe.
8/10 - Busy day but wholesome end to my friday.
Energy:
25% - trying to ease anxiety
25% - work
25% - hang out with my friend
25% - practicing anchoring
