10/13/25 - feeling “free”, being present, living instead of waiting
Woke up and decided I was going to go to yoga today. Just felt like that’s what I wanted to do, so showered made breakfast and just trusted the universe.
I drove just like I was in my own world. Calm and collected.
As soon as I walked into the yoga studio, it looked so cool. Almost like a barn feeling, and didn’t feel like I was in Chicago at all. Tons of sunlight. There was a girl in the class that literally wore exactly the same outfit as me. Burgendy on burgendy. The class I was taking was basically like yin yoga but on a reformer pilates.
During my slow pilates session, I literally looked up at the ceiling and started crying because no matter what. I was “free” in the moment. I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. And honestly, it made me value such a small moment. Something I took for granted for so long, but I feel like today I truly found the value of living in the present and what a privilege it is to have that moment. Idek if I’m describing it properly. A moment where I’m not feeling suffocated or in a place I don’t want to be. I’m not tied to a desk, I’m not tied to money constraints, I’m not tied to mobility issues. I’m literally just free, finally breathing. And it was more of a present thing. Sure there are worries about my past and future. But right now, I was okay and my mom was okay, and my dad was okay. My world was okay.
So small and so taken for granted but it just meant so much to me. So much gratitude, peace, happiness, relief and grounding.
It was almost like I wasn’t waiting for once. I was simply living.
The past couple of weeks/maybe months I’ve just been feeling like when is the good part of my life going to start. Waiting for the good to start. Waiting for the next lesson. Waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for something good to happen. But in that moment I was just so happy being in the present. Living in the present. Taking it moment by moment.
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After class, walked back to my car and originally I was going to go to a coffee shop and drink coffee, but didn’t feel like doing it and it just felt like hassle to find parking. So I put the navigation to home, but then on the way saw a park on the right side and a parking spot.
Literally out of nowhere, I just parked and decided to go on a walk in the park. Felt so much happiness just going on a walk. The grass, the vast air, the trees, dogs running around, the air. It truly is the little things that are taken for granted and that matter the most. In that moment, I didn’t care about money. I cared about breathing air and being in nature and walking.
Came home and made sandwiches for mom and I. I made a chicken roll for me and tofu rolls for my mom. Then went to my room and got on a call with RCN to get service, so now they’re coming tomorrow morning. My xfinity bill has been way too high lately.
I was calling xfinity from my third bedroom and for once, I feel like I think I want to move back in it. Like with a bit of a revamp. Instead of avoiding it, I feel like finally using the space at least until I find a new place, which I still have my zillow notifications turned on for. My current room feels way too small for everything.
Watched two episodes of gilmore girl, washed the dishes, and made tulsi tea.
On the other note, I’ve been answering friends hella fast today, like I’m craving friendships. Me and my SF friend were texting and I’m just so thankful for her too. She came in my life just when I needed her and it’s just so crazy to me how we became friends at first sight. We did have a bit of a down because she was literally saying the rudest shit to my ex at that time, but who cares about him. Also facetimed my best friend for a bit.
Intuition - I feel like I’m slowly trusting the universe again.
10/10 - I had a good day today and did everything I wanted to do.
Energy:
100% - just living in the moment
