10/12/25 - How to receive & difference between intuition & fear

The night tea didn’t work yesterday, so I started watching a movie on Netflix. Since yesterday ended up going well after my nervous system went crazy trying to “warm” me, I decided it was time I learned the difference between what’s my intuition and what’s my anxiety and I think I can finally tell.

Intuition is that voice inside my head. The “I just know it” voice. I imagine it like the movie inside out, where intuition is a calm decision coming from the main person. It feels peaceful and freeing. Almost like how I feel with the flood situation, where I just know something good is going to come out of it. Even if it hasn’t. My intuiton also tells me I’m going to LA and everything will go well.

Anxiety is when I feel like hiding and shrinking and the “anxiety” character is the main person talking and I almost imagine it running around.

I literally had to imagine myself having “anxiety” sit down for a sec in my brain and tried to calm it down.
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Woke up, finished my movie and then just chilled in bed for a bit. Also got over my crush yday. My intuiton knows he’s not ready for me. And can’t give me what I need.

But ngl it felt nice having a crush. I think it’s healthy.

Made eggs, toast and avacado for breakfast and watched TV with mom. Then went to my room and tried to read a book while drinking Tulsi tea.

It’s crazy how I’ve had this book for like years and it says everything I know now. Don’t quit. You could be 3 inches away from the gold. And success/wealth is alignment and state of mind.

Part of me is like I definitely am not delusional if every successful person/books say the same thing. Everything i’ve learned about on my own as lessons, is being said as knowledge. I just better understand is now because I know exactly what it’s talking about.

Anyways, somehow and fell asleep drinking the tea.

Woke up and called my aunt to invite them over for diwali dinner. I felt like being nice. Lol she was so shocked I called that she thought something happened.

I made dinner for myself while mom was making puris. Made my olive garden salad and chicken. I tried listening to mom this time and honestly it came out the way I don’t like it. Way too sweet. But at least I know what my mom always does wrong now with the chicken. She adds way too many onions.
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Just a week ago, I was thinking about giving chicken to my neighbor when I made some. But somehow in the week, I finally found peace with receiving. The whole reason why he wanted to help me was because he wanted to hit on me. No one does anything to be nice, they want something in return. And that to me finally removes me from the guilt. Even if I do something nice for someone, it’s usually because I want them to like me and gain their loyalty. That is trying to get something in return, so no one does something for free.
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While I was cooking, I saw something that said tomorrow is a transit where everything I’ve been learning internally will show up externally. And that freaked me out because wth does that mean? Does that mean I’ll be faced with a scary situation, and I’ll just anchor? like wtf I don’t even want that to happen in the first place.

I know I can handle anything that comes my way if it comes down to it. That’s how resilient I am, but I don’t want to deal with it. I want to be able to trust the universe that I can actually soften up and stop being “on guard”. I’m tried of protecting myself. I want the universe to protect me, but tbh I don’t really trust it just yet.

I don’t think i’ve forgotten all the instances that have happened and the flood situation. Like I still don’t trust the universe to actually listen to me. I still think it’s going to bring forward the things I’m scared of to show me I can handle it. But here’s the thing. I know I can. It’s not myself that I don’t trust. It’s the universe. But I do want to trust it.

I was initially planning on going to yoga, but cooking wore me out, so tbh today was just spent at home.

I’ve also been feeling super off my schedule since I haven’t been able to go walk. I haven’t found the remote to my walking pad. Literally looked everywhere, and it’s too cold to walk, and it’s like throwing me off.

Walking was the stability in my life, so I need to get back to it.

Intuition - I feel like I’m blaming the universe because I don’t want to face my fears.

7/10 - Today went by fast but I’m still a bit scared of what’s coming in front of me.

Energy:
10% - reading
20% - sleeping
30% - cooking
40% - trying to ease my anxiety