10/8/25 - Safe space in motion, coffee shops, falling apart to fall together
Last night, I decided I was going to go to a coffee shop this morning. I just felt like I couldn’t function at home.
I had initally planned to wake up at 7am, but ended up waking up at 10am. My downstairs neighbor texted me. He basically left out a pot for a week, and my mom took it thinking someone threw it away. He was being so weird about it too.
To think for the past couple of days, I’ve been like “oh, I still owe him dinner for helping with the flood” and I’ve just been feeling bad about it. I even planned on getting some food for him because I wanted butter chicken today. But this clearly showed me, my initial reaction of not liking him was right and I need to stop feeling bad. I think I have an issue with promises. I don’t like telling someone I’m going to do something and not do it. It just feels wrong for me, so I just got to stop telling people things. Literally these promises are what are keeping me stuck to certain things and it feels like an obligation.
Anyways also posted my first photo dump. I didn’t care about it being perfect. I just wanted to post it.
Got dressed, wore some nice clothes, even did makeup and put on cute earrings. Then made some breakfast with sourdough bread, eggs, and avocado.
I’ve just been feeling sad, so I was initally going to go to my comfort coffee shop and even was about to drive there, but then out of nowhere decided, I can either go to my comfort spot with the same narrative or step into energy that makes me feel good.
So decided I was going to go to the northbrook coffee shop instead. I wanted to see if I still felt different there and maybe even manifest me already living there.
Went to the mandir first, and I felt so much peace. It’s like my happy place.
Facetimed my mom really quickly at the mandir, and then went to the Northbrook coffee shop. While I was driving, it felt nice but it didn’t feel insanely freeing like it felt the last time I went.
Even the coffee shop didn’t feel like an alternative reality, it felt like me now. Last time I was there it was like I saw a different version of myself. This time it felt the like current version of me.
Anyways, I practiced the whole lion thing and after so long I didn’t find coffee shops too much. I felt what I used to feel, where I was just productive, not taking in everyone’s anxiety.
It’s like I’m finally learning how to have my own safe space in motion now beyond myself.
There was a minute where my coworker was kind of being rude. I think she thought she was going to get fired and a part of me was taking that anxiety on, but I was trying to remind myself it was her not me. I think the minute I try tapping into what they might be thinking it when I take their energy on.
I think I need to practice going to public places again to practice the lion thing. My goal is to really nail having someone come up to me.
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Anyways after that, I wanted butter chicken so got that. The guy gave me free rice. There was so much traffic on the way home, but came home and ate it with mom.
Went to my room, chilled for a bit. I told myself I wasn’t going to start another season of gilmore girls but started it.
And then did some more work. Bought my ticket to LA. Originally, I was going to get a new outfit, but I’m just going to wear the Indya one I like. Still need to get the hotel, and other flights but was also trying to figure out amex points to see what I need to milk from it.
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Earlier today, this one guy I kind of have a crush on lmaoo liked my picture on IG. Long story but he has a cute smile and he has the same name as N, so bumer there but maybe this whole time I was just attached to the name not the person.
Anyways part of me was still like idk if he’ll like me, what if he stops liking me? But then the brain part of me is like if he’s my person, there’s nothing I can say or do wrong. The timing will also be perfect and things will flow. So clearly, I’m still scared. Is that why I’m not dating? Because I’m scared?
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Anyways other reflections from today - I feel lost, sad, and at peace all at the same time. The surface version of me is soooo lost. Like I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. The spirtual version of me is like I’m getting more and more aligned. I’m only lost because now I don’t even have chat gpt birth charts comfirming things for me. I just have me and myself and sometimes that can be scary. But at the same time I do feel like I’m anchoring deeper. Like the fact that the coffee shop felt like my room feels crazy.
For work - my boss just brought in someone new today and tbh I feel blindsighted a bit. Like I feel like I should be getting a heads up on this stuff. Just like the boys get one. Whatever though.
At night, I was trying to finalize this whole etsy order thing. Finally found someone indian.
8/10 - Butter chicken and being relaxed at the coffee shop was my highlight
Intuition - I’m anchoring deeper even if I feel lost on the surface level
Energy:
50% - anchoring
30% - eating butter chicken
20% - working
