9/29/25 - Like the sun + power of clothes + facing fear
I woke up and was like the only way to actually eliminate fear is by having the probability of good over bad. Example: at one point, I was convienced that if my mom and I were in the house alone she would get sick, but it’s been almost a year since Jan that her and I have been living alone, so the fear went away on its own.
Same with flying, I was so scared of flying but the more times, I had a successful trip, the more my fears went away.
For a while, that’s how I got over this fear too. The fear started to grow when I didn’t do things because of the fear, that’s what gave it power.
So the only way to really get over it is to have the universe prove it.
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Also woke up and started journaling. I automatically started doing it again, but this time on paper, and it’s not the recap or processing type of journaling. This feels like I’m telling a story of my life.
That journaling is more trying to make sense of things. Feels like science.
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I went back to the roots. The sun. The sun’s energy/aura starts from the core, but it does have a surface that simply doesn’t allow anything to get into it.
1. First I thought my aura was just the outter protection of myself. It was me and some gold aura outside of me. Anything couldn’t get to me because there was this bubble protecting me. This didn’t give the internal me power. Only external power.
2. Then the aura came from me and just extended. This only gave internal me power. But allowed external things to still come through.
3. Now I’m blending the two. Where it still starts from me, but there’s also a bubble outside of me. I can’t give wasting my own energy to fight external energy. There still needs to be an automatic protection layer that does its job. Like the sun. And I keep shining bright from inner me.
Also decided that future me is not scared, so I need to tap into future me’s vibration. Got ready, and dressed up. Every time I dress up, I just feel different. I feel entitled and as if I’m the powerful future me. I step out of the energy of “helpless” me.
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Went to whole foods to do returns and then got dunkin on the way home. It was free with a purchase but tbh it still didn’t hit.
Went on IG for literally 2 minutes and it was already disturbing.
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Took my meetings, lolol I was pretty motivational in all my calls. I was talking about the new girl. And idk what it is. Like I feel sooo strong about her. Like I kind of know how I want to feel with my person because of her. The click. The intuition. The pull. Like it’s so crazy to me, but I talk about her with so much passion too.
Got my Amex card, so did a little unboxing session too, and signed up for all the perks.
Ate, but didn’t feel too much energy, so didn’t go on my walk. Also didn’t sleep. Lmaooo I did a google gemini trend with a picture of my “soulmate” and lowkey was digging the guy. He felt right & looked exactly like the person in my dreams. Just need to manifest him too.
But also ngl when I saw the picture, I did feel insecure. I didn’t think I was pretty enough for him, or I wondered if he would find me pretty. So need to work on all that.
I signed up for a yoga class but left early because I needed to go to ulta, so drove straight to ulta. I was a bit scared at first but the more I went out, the more my fear subsided.
Still had some time and was starving, so grabbed bubble tea. And then went to my class.
Didn’t feel much of a release; no crying. But I did feel like I had a lot of pent-up anger.
Came home and ate, and then worked. My childhood friend getting married is finally starting to hit, and lmaoo lowkey I’m so happy I’m not getting married. It just feels like a lot. The crazy thing is this could have been me if N or J worked out. But I’m so happy its not.
Intuition - I asked the universe for a sign because my anger of feeling betrayed is real, and I need the universe to equal it out with a big blessing. Don’t want a guy yet tbh. But money would be nice.
I opened up tiktok at night after 2 days, and instantly felt shitty. Literally, idk if I need to legit part ways from social media for a bit because even a minute or two is too much too for my mental health.
8/10 - I feel stronger today.
Energy:
50% - facing/reducing fear
25% - working
25% - random stuff
