9/30/25 - Negotiations with the universe are not working, finance diasters
Last night, I did negotiations with the universe, where I basically told the universe that I needed almost like a sign/square up for doing unfair things last month. Like the fear is coming from not trusting the universe cause it did me dirty multiple times in the past month, even in the name of lessons. The only fair way for me to gain trust is literally if it does something good in return, something I don’t expect. And I have a lot of pending money related things, so that’s what I asked for.
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Woke up still scared. I know I had a win with fear yesterday but it’s a slow progress. The more wins, the stronger my faith. But I was still hesitant. All I wanted to do was stay at home.
I realized my new amex quarter benefits were going to be over today, so needed to use them or I’d lose them. Made a later order of deep purple even though I can’t eat it today, ended up getting a $75 lulu giftcard and then later got a $100 monteverde gift card. It’s been on my list for a while, but their menu isn’t very vegetarian-friendly. I just hope all the charges post, so they work for Q3 and not tap into Q4. Made a list of things I needed to get done, but ended up working for a bit. Needed to tell my boss the details about the LA event to get his official approval.
Got ready, went to go get my eyebrows done, then had a couple of meetings, ate, made coffee even though I said I wasn’t going to, but I was just too tired. Powered through my walk. Literally disassociated and didn’t want to go.
When I came back, I saw the mail and literally saw 2 bills. The IRS again and some other random bill. Immediately, I was frustrated because wtf I was so convienced my negotations with god were going to win. I know I’m not meant to lose the money in my heart, so why the games. I’m not freaking out about, but I hate how it’s just pending. The dentist bill was so unexpected too, so immediately I called them and my insurance and they said that my deductiable was already used. So whatever got to take an L on it. My IRS stuff was insane. beacuse wtf last time I called they said it was on pause and now because of the shutdown, they just send a bill, without even considering the other mail I sent. And when I called last time, they said they couldn’t do anything because it was on pause. Overall this has been insanely annoying.
And then I went through my credit card, and was like wtf am I even getting my amazon refunds because something is wrong with my credit card bill too. Idk if I got a charge back for when my credit card was lost?
OVERALL. I’m just mad. It feels like I have no control over my finances right now, while being conscious.
But feels completely opposite of what I was praying. My birth chart keeps saying my finances will grow, but literally everything is just getting worse with these random expenses/bills that I never saw coming.
I feel pissed. On one hand I’m calm because I know in my heart this money will come back to me, but on the other hand everything coming at once and still being in pending is kind driving me crazy now.
Idk what my lesson is here. To stay chill and trust. To fight. To give up. To cry. To negotiate with God.
Like I’m lost tbh.
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Anyways, tried on some last minute things that came for the sangreet, and then left.
Went to get my nails done, tbh it was a regular manicure and it’s already ruined but I also didn’t want a no-chip. To relax, also started watching a movie with my headphones. Went to khol’s, walmart, and got gas. Came home and ate a bunch of oranges cause I was hungry.
Got a bit emotional about my friend getting married. Idk why I’m more emotional for her than the other one that got married. Sent her a text and cried a bit for her.
Worked and finished the new girl’s onboarding, contracts, etc.
It’s midnight and now treating myself with my acai.
Intuition - My heart tells me I’m having these problems, because my money will grow. My whole life is running on vibes and hope right now.
5/10 - Very annoyed with all these finance issues.
Energy:
20% - working
20% - pushing myself to face fear
20% - beyond annoyed with finance issues trying to resolve them
20% - praying that finance issues will resolve on their own
20% - treating myself and trying to stay chill
