2/27/26 - Giving myself permission for a seat at the table, learning to pose

Last night, I checked some other facebook groups where I put the message looking for photographers to collab and missed a whole post! There were sooo many other photographers that commented. But this time, I didn’t directly reach out. I knew I had to anchor creatively first and just send it to them.

Overall, today was a pretty chill day for the most part. Chilled, then had a meeting with the UI/UX designer. Basically told her my vision for branding as she’s redesigning the app.

Bought some more concert tickets, ate, made coffee, expensed the tickets I bought. Earlier also gave my other employee some more advice. I told our video editor we were going to move him to project-based. Normally, I’d be so scared because it’s basically like I fired him through slack but I was direct and myself about it. I leaked no energy and settled on rates, so felt like something so tasking ended up being easy.

Lmao my boss sent my employee a contract for her raise and it was all long, and then my UI/UX designer was also complaining about him. Sometimes I wonder if he realized how stupid he is or if he just doesn’t care. Like in the 2 years, I really haven’t seen him grow at all. I don’t mind it anymore because it gave me the freedom to fight myself, learn for myself, and anchor to now do whatever I think is right.

I’m no longer sourcing externally, but something I feel like it would be nice to learn from people. For the past 5 years, I’ve become confident now but I think I’m craving a bit more learning from other people too now. I just want to see how high-achieving people do things.

Every time, I try working with other people who are good at their job to always find the answer within me.

Almost like what I want to tell the social media guy that’s looking for answers from outside, when the answers are inside. That’s how it’ll land.

After work, I kind of had a crash out over what I wanted to do for my photoshoot. I didn’t know if I wanted to get into the character of a girl from 1950s, give it more empowering look, or just wing it. Idk I’m so confused. Idk how to get better at my craft.

I still need to order my outfit for the Eid party, but I almost want to put together something on my own.

I’m kind of having a crisis moment with my craft/creative side.

I tried making tiramisu but forgot to whisk the egg whites before, so it just wasn’t working out. I also got angry at my mom because she froze my heavy cream.

Also today, I felt so trapped in my room and house. It just felt soooo suffocating. Like it’s just so small.

We’re going to go see the house tomorrow. I really wonder if I’ll feel the same way about it.

At night, I showered, made some tea, and watched Priyanka Chopra’s new movie the bluff. It was actually really good. Gave quantico vibes. Something about her still doesn’t land and I think it’s because she’s too much of a main character. She just overpowers in every movie. It doesn’t feel balanced, and it’s like the movies shrink her to a stereotype.

Anyways, I’m a little confused about a lot of things, but overall chill day.

I also had to remind myself that I deserve a seat in modeling. I don’t have to be the prettiest. I’m just me and I make sense. I thought of why me keeps creeping up from time to time. I don’t think I’m that talented or the prettiest. So how will I make it?

Curiosity - how to make tiramisu, my photoshoot, how to be more efficient with photographers

Joy - my tea and movie at night

Intuition - Idk, but I know I’ll figure it out

7/10 - Chill day

Energy:
25% - work
25% - decompressing
25% - tripping over my photoshoot
25% - feeling angry