2/26/26 - People aren’t rejecting me, they’re rejecting a misaligned version of me

I had a dream where I had a conversation with the person that put me in my love survival identity years ago and it felt so relieving.

It was my ex’s older brother. The person who first told me I wasn’t good enough for his brother in 2019, 7 years. Which put me in a subconscious belief that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. And that’s when I started proving. I developed this fear of being rejected by family members.

But this time, in my dream, I met him again 7 years later. I was my grounded self. No proving. No anxiety. And this time he didn’t question anything about me. He gave me his blessings. 7 years ago, he saw a version of me young was someone that was still so immature, unsure of who she was, still in survival, reactive. 

Today, he saw me as someone who was coherent and confident. He didn’t ask any questions, because there was nothing to question. I saw it in his eyes. 
I spent years proving, questioning if I’ll ever be good enough for anyone, but now I understand that what he saw even at that time was my misalignment & lack of coherence. He wasn’t rejecting me for me, he was rejecting the misaligned me. And for that, I didn’t need to spend years wondering “what if I did this or said this” because people can just feel someone’s misalignment versus alignment. The same way I didn’t have to say anything this time. He gave his approval without anything.

It felt like just a grounded and healing conversation. In the dream, I was marrying ex R but even in my dream I knew I didn’t want to marry him.

I woke up with tears in my eyes, almost like I got my closure.
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I also woke up feeling like I blocked my heart chakra the day I blocked all my exes. It was like I told myself I was going to block love. So for a brief moment I felt like I had to do something symbolic and unblock all of them. It still blows my mind that there was a time I couldn’t not be “in love” and now I’m having a hard time even reopening my heart chakra. The flip is so wild. Anyways, decided to not unblock them for now. Hoping i did a mental unblock.
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Watched an episode of the new season of Bridgerton, got some work done. Finally sent over pictures to the seattle guy. He hasn’t sent over an invoice yet and the anxious verison of me is like is he about to start drama? I’m just waiting for something to go wrong at this point, which isn’t good.
_

Ate lunch, and then mom and I had to drive to the hospital to get her vertigo medicine. It was during rush hour so the traffic was a lot. Got myself a matcha while I was near there from a place I used to go to 6 years ago.

At some point today, i also googled who owned the house that I’m going to see on saturday to rule out any suspicious activity and it’s some asian people. A lot of people have lived in the house for a long time, which explains why it gives “lived in” vibes.

Came home, watched more Bridgerton, made pasta, and then finally sent over the logistics to the photographer girl.

I feel like there's too much back and forth and I’m asking too many opinions. I almost feel like instead of collaboration and giving her options, I should just pick whatever the hell I feel like doing, tell her, and let her say yes or no.

The asking opinions for everything doing feel like alignment on my end. Maybe this is a lesson for next time. I should just treat it like I’m hiring her.

Curiosity - added cottage cheese to my pasta, trying to more effecient with the photoshoot

Joy - watching Bridgerton, my matcha, my dream

Intuition - I need to chill out

7/10 - Still tired but less tired than yesterday

Energy:
25% - work
25% - driving mom
25% - Brigerton
25% - photoshoot