2/25/26 - Fear of my mom’s health, capacity

Woke up super early because I had to take my mom to her doctor’s appointment. Almost missed waking up because I forgot to set up an alarm.

Anyways, drove to the doctor’s and did some work in the car while my mom was in the waiting room. Went inside to talk to the doctor. Right after the doctor leaves, my mom decides to tell me that on Sunday my mom’s friends’ son braked hard and that’s when the symtoms started. At that point, I realized my mom got whiplash and that she probably lost her ear balance and now has mild vertigo.

I was sooo pissed because she decided to not tell me till that very moment. Especially the motion sickness and everything too, including the mild dizzyness. On top of that, I literally told her to stay home on Sunday. Thank god the doctor also prescibed the vertigo medication before that too, but overall I was worried.

Like great, one more thing to worry about. I had to remind myself to not replay my old scripts. Whatever happens with my mom is not my fault. I’m allowed to still be happy and focus on myself. I don’t need to brace anymore. I reminded myself to breathe and that’s it’s okay, I got this. We’ll take it day by day. For now, she just needs to rest and hopefully, the balance restores on its own.

Just need to breathe, continue to be happy, and not go back into survival. Everything is okay. I need to stay regulated.

After the doctors, went to CVS to get medicine, and then went to Chik-fil-a cause we had some time to kill and I was hungry. Then mom needed to make a quick stop to get her other food.

Came home, devoured my sandwich. I was so hungry. Also, I can’t believe it was only 12:30pm, normally by this time it’s like 3pm for me. I really need to start waking up early to make more use of my day.

Made a maple seasalt latte, and it was pretty good. I told my gaphic designer to add the logos on the seattle pictures. She did it in 5 minutes, but she was so lazy about it. All the dimensions were so off.

I picked out the pictures and posted them. Tbh it didn’t perform that well, but idc I still love it. I swear the algo hates me. Every time I post something, it literally does terrible.

Spent the rest of the time figuring out the rest of the dimensions for the other pictures. It was just so time consuming, but I cared too much about it, and I want to set this as a template, so I never have to do it again and can make someone from my team do it from now all.

Overall, I spend way too much energy “figuring” things out for my team, so they can then become templates to scale.

I was super exhausted to even figure out the logistics for my photoshoot, but decided that I’m not letting the universe win in the narrative that I don’t have capacity, so I did it. I tried emailing the guy for the vintage car but he kept rising his prices. What an asshole. He literally rose them just yesterday. Decided maybe it just wasn’t time for me to do this shoot.

Made chicken wings for dinner, and some creme breule lol using my candle warmer. Which reminds me I still need to send my coworker his secret santa gift, omg.

Anyways, then I emailed a bunch of restaurants to try to get in a “speakeasy photoshoot”. Two of my favorites already said yes. If she agrees, great. If not, then I’m sure the universe will send me someone else.

Overall, though, I’m crashing out because I’m not as creative as I thought I was. All my photoshoot ideas are so basic. Speakeasy, library, outside. They’ve all been overdone. It all feels boring. I really thought I was like Reva and was going to come up with some brilliant idea that feels unique and blends my personal life with my photoshoots.

Maybe I need to go back to the drawing board.

And all my trauma lessons coming back is wild too. The energy just feels really overwelhming right now overall.

I’m exhausted too. On top of that, now I’m trying to really learn new poses. I feel like I’m so amateur. And also had a trip out moment about why I look so “contained”.

Anyways, I’m crashing out.

Curiosity - new ideas for a shoot, logistics for a shoot, how to fix mild vertigo

Joy - My chik-fil-a & posting the first set of seattle pictures

4/10 - Exhausted

Intuition - Idek.. I’m too tired. Idec

Energy:
33% - work photos
34% - mom’s vertigo
33% - photoshoot