2/17/26 - Year of the horse, love is not a trophy, craving evidence
Woke up feeling positive and excited for the future. Layed in bed for a few minutes and then did some journaling around versions of me that have the things that I want, and what’s the misalignment right now. For love, I realized I only want it because it feels like validation and proof that all my healing was worth it. Same with abudance, I just want it to prove to people. Almost like unless I don’t have external proof, it doesn’t matter. People won’t believe me. That’s where it felt wrong. My money and my person aren’t a trophy. If that trophy is ever taken away, if my person doesn’t work out, I’ll feel crushed and destablized because they were the only symbol of my work.
Then I realized, the universe wants to give me money too. Right now, I can still do everything I want to do. I don’t necessarily need more money. I just want it. So then I decided to design my new rich life. I did this a couple of years ago too and now have almost everything on my list, while a lot of things are normal for me, it was important to ask myself what luxury I want to spend my money on, and this time the answer was designer clothes for events.
I want better fashion. I want to physically look expensive.
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Got on a call with the photographer. Somehow, I didn’t like her work until yesterday, but I did today. Signed the contract and paid the invoice, so the photographer is officially booked. Smh the first one still hasn’t answered but I think I dodged a bullet because if he hasn’t answered to get the job, he might not even deliver assets on time. He seems flaky.
My lifecycle manager also sent the email out. My social media guy posted the post. And I sent an email to the seattle guy this time looping in my coworker as buffer, so I can officially be done answering any demanding questions and stop being his point of contact. Felt so freeing. The fact that I’ve only talked to this guy for a week and still feel free is crazy. Really makes me realize how drained he made me feel.
Ate lunch, and then was tired so rested for a bit before going on my walk. It was a bit cold. Came home, rested again and then went to a yoga class. I couldn’t really relax because I kept thinking about ways I was going to scale things and just overall trying to find a connection to how I was going to gain visibility. My path just feels so confusing and I just don’t want to have another year or no growth. I’m so tired of just being stagnant.
Just imagining me being at the same job, no love life, same amount of money, same house for another year feels like misery. When I ground myself, yes, on the outside everything has been stable but tbh outsiders think 2025 was my year because I glow-ed up. And I know that too. I know it wasn’t just nothing.
But I want expansion. I want things to change. I want my dream life to manifest. I want me to look at the end of 2026 and be like holy shit I really did get everything this year. Just like I see other people. I know most people struggle and do alignment work for years, and then when it all aligns and hits, the abundance never stops. I’m waiting for my moment for it just “hits”. I feel it soooo close.
Chat says I’m craving evidence and told me all the stuff I have to do. Now I’m a bit overwhelmed. Because when will doors just unlock for me.
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Oh also during journaling in the morning, I also realized I emotionally eat and need new anchors to replace food and still bring comfort.
Curiosity - Chinese new years, year of the horse, new anchors
Joy - just being home right now tbh, and no longer having to deal with the seattle guy
Intuition - I need to stop worrying so much about my future
7/10 - Okay day overall, was in my head a lot
Energy:
50% - reflections
25% - thinking a lot
25% - walk & yoga
