2/16/26 - Trusting myself through logistics, being an architect isn’t of an operator
Woke up feeling insanely calm. I ended up going to bed with the lights on because of the edible and I was just so tired.
I had originally planned to work today, but then it just hit me that nothing really matters.
Every time I drive somewhere, I’m always on time (even while being late), and so I just don’t rush while driving anymore. I tell myself whatever happens happens, I’ll take care of it when I get to it. And just like that, stressing over a photographer just didn’t matter. I trust that I’ll figure it out even if it’s last minute. I always do. Same with driving, I also make it the destination right when I need to get there.
I ended up going back to bed for a bit, and then woke up and decided to make pancakes. I made eggless ones and with eggs. Was curious to see which one would taste better. Mom and I ate them and watched TV.
By this point, I was exhausted but made some banana bread too. Put it in the oven and went to go shower. I was so drained that I needed a quick nap. Also drank some electrolyts before going on my walk. The weather was so nice, and I wanted to catch some sunlight.
Overall today, I just felt very positive, and stress free. Tomorrow is the year of the horse. I don’t feel ready for momentum because of something external, it’s more so internal. I trust myself through it all.
I answered some unread messages on my walk, and also asked chat how to increase my capacity while communicating. It’s literally by setting dates and then moving on. Texted my SF friends too to plan for the Chicago trip during st.patricks day.
After coming home, mom and I went to whole foods to return somethings and just explore. I ended up getting sushi from whole foods, so had sushi after such a long time. Mom and I ate dinner in peace. I think we’re getting better at it.
At night, I saw the seattle guy emailed back asked for $700 more for candles. Lmao like did he not think of that before. If I was going to order the candles, I would have paid him less to begin with for the event. He also wrote some bullshit about a photobooth, like when the hell did I say that? Overall, just very draining, and just can’t wait for this week to be over, so I’m done with him.
The original photographer never ended up answering. As expected. I set up a call with my plan B for tomorrow, but I don’t really like her work, so I messaged a couple of other people too.
Overall, I just don’t like being the prime communicator with all these people. It feels very draining.
I originally used to think that I can’t have a perfect life. I accepted not so perfect guys because I thought no one got their dream person, but I’m starting to think that’s not the truth. Even for work, what if I did the parts I loved and out-scoured the parts I hated to other people on my team? To create a system and flow.
What if I truly could wake up loving every part of my day. Chat says I’m turning into an architect instead of an operator.
Feel kind of drained today but figuring out ways to increase my capacity.
-
Oh! Finally put up the light in my shower too. Feel like it was an official closure to the house. That’s the vision I had come in with for this house.
-
I feel really confused on what my purpose is. Nothing is landing.. idk.
Curiosity - pancakes, different types of breads at whole foods
Joy - my walk, eating pancakes with mom
6/10 - Had a fun, busy, peaceful day but I’m sooo tired and drained
Intuition - I need to cut anything draining out of my life
Energy:
50% - made pancakes & banana bread
20% - walk
10% - Whole Foods
20% - drained
