2/7/26 - Waiting feels wrong now

My best friend texted back saying it was “unfair”, and I said “no. i have been communicating,” and she texted back saying “I’ll try to do better”. So tbh Idk where this is going right now. I need to see it to believe it.

Mom was too heated to communicate with, so I literally just ate my pequods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and had a protein shake in between to get some protein in too.

I saw an IG post that “maybe I’m subconsciously keeping myself stuck and it’s not divine timing,” and it just clicked. Where waiting actually does feel wrong now.

I’ve had to put my external life on pause for the past two years, and it feels like I had to be really patient and kind of just get used to waiting, that’s the only way I would make it through the phase. There were days were I would get impatient, but again I just had to be okay with waiting too.

It finally, internally, feels wrong to wait now. Like I’ve done too much waiting. Like I’m ready to go however I am. Waiting until I’m “perfect” feels wrong too now because I’m a learner. I’ll always upgrade daily for the rest of my life. It almost feels like when parents say they’ll live once they have enough money but then go their whole lives without spending a dime because money is never enough. Meanwhile, at some point, they did reach a point where they did get out of survival to have extra money to spend and live. That’s what this point feels like. To stop gathering and start living. Because if I keep gathering beyond this, it feels like I’ll enter “more harm than good” territory.

For the rest of the day, I still just chilled in my room, “rested” guilt-free to make sure I wasn’t just having anxiety over not doing anything. But this time it did feel wrong.

I was done over-resting.

Intuition - I need to start living

8/10 - just rested and chilled

Energy:
100% - rested