2/2/26 - Capacity for love again
Woke up with a slow morning. Made a list of all the movies I wanted to watch in Feb, took a shower, made my bed, cleaned my room, made breakfast and coffee, talked to my aunt, and then went to my room to start work. My dad and I have been sending each other pictures. I sent him pictures from yday’s galentine party. Lol almost want to make a family group chat. Got ready for my marketing meeting. It was nice coming back to the marketing meetings and not having to “perform” or run the meeting. A guy on my team did ask me a question, and I did give a thorough response back. Not in a show off way, but in a “I know my shit way, come at me.”
Worked for a bit, and then took a break and went to watch TV with mom. I was mentally exhausted after, so I took a nap. Woke up and was starving, so ate dinner. My mom made shrimp biryani and it was really good, then journaled for a bit. I’ve been a little lazy to journal. Almost like I don’t even want to process anymore. I just want to live, but even if I’m just living, I kind of like just having the documentation of it all. It makes me feel like I’m my own witness.
I thought my campaign ad was live, so I went on Dil Mil, and updated my profile cause I was able to be visible after like 2 years. And I needed to swipe to see the ad. I was swiping and was like holy shit the guys are actually hot, and they had profiles that I would actually be interested in. Told myself whoever I swipe on these 7 swipes would be okay. I guess they were in for a treat. I ended up swiping and matching instantly with this one guy. Realized I forgot the time was 7pm PST for my campaign not CST, so I needed to wait 2 more hours.
While getting my steps in, I was so excited. For the 5 minutes I was on it, I was actually surprised and excited, there were multiple people that felt like they could be my person. I was genuinely intrigued by multiple people.
And that just makes me excited to date again. I’m not scared. Overall, this shows me I have the capacity for love again. Like a reminder that my person is out there.
I was excited for like 10 minutes about the guy too. I do have to visualize them being my person. If I can’t even do that, it’s an immediate no. Got it out of my system and now I’m grounded again.
Now, I take it step by step. All I’m answering for myself is whether I want to respond to the next message. No pressure, nothing. No expectations.
Even while setting up my pictures, I didn’t care about getting swipes. I didn’t add my model professional pictures that made me look polished. I posted ones that felt like me. That had frequency.
The right person would love these just as much as I do. Over the noise of my professional pictures.
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At 9pm I went back on my DM and saw my campaign didn’t go live, so I went to go check the typeform and it literally didn’t. The lifeycle guy screwed up. Like of course this messes with customer trust too now. Smh, but it’s out of my control. My boss noticed but the lifeycle guy was MIA. My boss messaged me saying he’s already looking for a replacement for him. Day 1 was a fail.
I went on IG today, I’ve been doing doses but today freaked me out again just so much fear-mongering. I saw a video on frequency and how they did a study. Basically, everything I know about it too. But I really need to lock in. I still have some fear that is messing with me. I trust myself to handle what comes my way now, but I also don’t trust my reality to change with the desire I want. I need to lock in to really manifest and make this happen.
Ate a brownie at night and some more shrimp biryani. Haven’t been that healthy with all the treats I brought back from yesterday.
Need to decompress, so watching a rom com called “Rumor Has it”
Intuition - I have the capacity for love and feel locked in for that. Now need to lock in on this other thing. Literally feels like the one block right now that messes with me.
8/10 - Overall chill slow day, sad that my campaign didn’t go live, but happy I can welcome love in my life again without abandoning myself.
Energy:
60% - working
40% - chilling
