6/24 - Stop asking for permission, and just do it.

Today felt like a very important day. Almost another pivotal day. After crashing out last night, I knew I had to get out of my comfort zone and post today. I started crying because I just so badly wanted to eliminate all the fear around people telling me how I should be. I just want to do things without worrying about what people would say, especially after seeing my friend’s cousin’s page. She just didn’t care. She was so unapologetic, and that’s how people accepted her, too. She was the glimmer of hope I needed to break through all the current people in my life.

I knew exactly what pictures I needed to post to mentally remove that block. It was the set of pictures that had me feeling I couldn’t just take pictures with friends. The onces from my friends birthday that I didn’t post. But secretly not posting them was creating that block. It was saying that other people’s comfort mattered over mine.

And I was done with that, so I wrote something at night about how I was done letting people’s words get to me. I was letting who I was be labeled as immature.

I woke up at 7:30am to fix and post and at first no one said anything but I felt drained, so I knew it hit. That’s how i know.

On the other note, I saw a tiktok about girls posting their venmo account for their friends bach to raise money and one gril said no but the other girl was hell yeah and when the other girl said hell yeah, the girl that said no also switched.

I literally need to stop asking for permission. That’s my biggest mistake with everything. Every time I send something to someone or ask someone because I’m nervous and want validation to do it but they always say no and of course they are because at the end of the day I’m the one that changes their mind.

The thing I’m doing wrong is asking for permission. Because literally I’m supposed to break the mold, people follow me, so every time I ask for permission to seek a little bit of validation, it always goes the wrong way.

I’m supposed to just do and people will follow. Seeking approval from people who I’m supposed to lead is literally whats screwing with my brain right now. But I’ve also been traumatized from just acting, so I had to release that today.

-

Anyways, I was still drained so could barely get out of bed and work or do anything. Now I know to not judge my posts with the likes too. Me being drained is proof enough.

-

My mom said her feet were feeling a bit swollen, so we got scared and went to the urgent care to check it out. Although I already knew it was because of stress, which is what I told her at home but we still made an appointment and went. The doctor there said the same thing and in the waiting room she was telling me shit about my dad to which I said you need to stop worrying about him and it’s only ruining your health.

It was slightly drizzing outside but we went to whole foods and did some returns and then just walked around. I got some more of my adaptagenic drinks. This time with new flavors too.

Came home and just chilled. Was still tired, so did my saje cleanse.

Intuition - My content does matter and I literally can not be worrying about other people’s opinions.

6/10 - Very draining day but I’m glad I fought my blockers and told them I’m not scared.

Energy:

60% - drained
20% - scared on why my mom’s feet were swollen
20% - tried being productive