6/22 - Unapologeticly herself + reception

Today was a super busy day and honestly I was still sleep deprived and tired from yesterday, so I barely had the energy to get up and get ready. The other girlies were literally partying until 3am, so I really don’t know how they had the energy. But also it was my friend’s bridal shower in the morning and then my other friend’s reception at night.

We had to get ready and go to the bridal shower hall early to basically do all the decorations. I realized the dress I ordered was too big on me. it was a large and honestly was a cute bittersweet moment for me because at one point large was my size and now that same size is too big on me. The theme was blue so everyone had to wear that.

Anyways, I didn’t have time to get a new dress so I still wore and it and make it work. We got the hall and decorated for a couple of hours. I was in charge of the drinks, and somehow made a really good mocktail. It was delicious. All the bridemaids also really did pull together to do all the decorations in the hall, including the backdrop.

Her cousin came a bit late, and we did share a few glances but nothing as intense as yesterday. i knew I had to just do my own thing because today was probably the last time I was going to see him. He wasn’t coming to the bach and I’m not going to India for the wedding.

I really bonded with the rest of the girlies and was just chilling most of the time, we had Pita Inn for lunch so ate that.

While they were doing games, this one girl really caught my attention and honestly gave me the hope I needed. She was my friends cousin and literally she was soooooo herself and just so confident. Like she was making tiktoks and doing transitions. She did not give a fuck what anyone thought of her.

I really aspire to be like her because I know I’m still in my shell. But not her, she truely just didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of her.

Came home and took a quick nap because I was so exhausted and it was hot outside. My mom was out with her friends. After taking my quick mini nap, got ready for the reception.

I also needed to do a few touch ups so I decided to film some tiktok transitions. I filmed the beginning before leaving in the morning, but then filmed the ending for my blue dress too.

Anyways got to the hall, and they had just started serving appetizer, so ate some. And then my other friends joined our table and soon after the bride walked in.

It was cute, I feel like this officially felt like her wedding and no matter how much beef I actually had with her, it was a bit emotional. Everyone gave their speeches and poor thing but my best friend’s brother got nervous while saying his prayer and started crying on stage.

At one point, I didn’t care and went to console him too. Side note, but the mango lassi they had was the best mango lassi I’ve ever had.

After dinner, the friend group wanted to go to the photo booth and take pictures and the girl I don’t like was soooo annoying about it. She literally kept checking to see if anyone was there, and ngl that triggered me.

Because WHEN I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I’m annoying and too much and extra. BUT WHEN SHE DOES IT, it’s funny and “ohh friend” like wtf. And she’s the one that makes my life miserable to be hidden and not extra, so wtf at the double standards.

That was like triggering on another level. But also her finance was there and he totally loved that about her, which made me happy for her because she has someone that loves her completely the way she is no matter how she is and he doesn’t even look at anyone else.

I’ve never felt that comfortable enough to be like that with anyone in my life. And maybe god wanted me to see that.

A part of me wanted pictures, but was too scared to ask because of the trauma from the last time I wanted pictures, so I was just quiet and took mirror pictures instead. I didn’t want them to make a whole scene of me stealing the spotlight again.

The night ended with a sparkler exit. It was cute.

The friend group was also being super nice to me again which was again throwing me off because I know they talk shit about me behind my back.

Came home exhausted.

7/10 - Busy day and happy moments but I’m still triggered with the girls being able to be themselves but I’m not “allowed” to be myself. Like why is everyone triggered by me.

Intuition - I need to get over the whole not being able to take pictures thing, it feels like a blocker.

Energy:
33% - events/dressing up

33% -reflecting and noticing other people’s behaviors

34% -Just doing me