6/18 - My tolerance for people
I’m at a point where I just instantly know which people I don’t feel at home with, and I have no problem cutting them off. But I literally can’t believe I was surrounded by these people a couple of years ago. Every person in my life was the wrong person for me. No one was an alignment. And those are the same people I’m cutting off right now.
Basically woke up, got ready, and went straight to working today.
While I was working my ex coworker called cause she needed something. She’s always brought out anxiety out of me, and I was starting to feel that today too. But this time I didn’t think it was a me problem. I also don’t need her, so I listened to her and told her I had to go. But tbh she lost her spark, the spark that naturally allowed her to connect with people. Now, it’s just about calling people when she needs them, so tbh she looks miserable.
Anyways I sent a bunch of emails out, ate, napped, and then went to my first set of dance practice.
That was chill, and I mainly knew all the dance moves. The second one was fun, somehow there was this one girl that made me feel so loved and welcomed. She was loud but she was totally my type of person. We were bantering the whole time, and even in the moments I was starting to get quite, she kept talking to me, and she was just herself. This kind of helped me remove my plotting for the bach where I was going to gatekeep. Now I actually want her to have great pictures.
At the dance practice, my friend’s cousin came too and I have insane sexual tension with him. At one point, we made out too when I was in college and we went out. So lmao there’s that. We did text for a bit and my friend told us to stop, so we stopped, and we never spoke to each other afterward, but lmao we still have glances.
Overall though. I’m a bit touch deprevied and I’m like getting to a hella desperate stage again, which I hate because for a whole year, I was like hell no. I don’t want anyone. But lmao I officially want someone again.
I just need to remember and pull myself back to the reality that I did not save myself to just kiss anyone again. Hell no. And literally this person has to scream that they’re my person.
But I can’t help but have crushes again.
