6/16 - Something is off.
This phase of success might be my favorite lmao because the plot twist is unreal. I woke up and posted my pool pictures from palm springs and just felt so much negative aura from the post. Almost like I lost all my “fake” support.
Thoughts that came to my head:
- “Do people think I’m acting like an influencer?”
- “Am I posting too much?”
- “Does it look like I’m seeking for attention or posting thirst traps?”
- “Are my friends jealous of me?”
- “Do I look ugly?”
I just know the support was lacking on this post, and I just had a gut feeling that something was off.
Went to the gym after posting, and was almost crashing out. I’m kind of shook at the girl whose’ bach I’m going to. Idk why but I’ve just been getting bad hatter vibes.
Kind of feel a bit ashamed now reflecting but I literally thought she and her other friend are jealous of me, and want to know what’s my flow for content, so they could copy it. Literally I made a whole ass cunning plan too, where I would be so lowkey about getting my content to the point where I would plan exactly what shots I was going to take and secretly take them, but wouldn’t beg anyone to take a picture of me. Not like how I had full photoshoots on my palm springs trip. Almost like they’ll never know my next move and then since I have a solo day on Sunday, I would take my content then and shock them.
Basically need to achieve a point in my content where it’s just so natural, almost like my life style now/fitness where it’s not that obvious that I watch stuff. People wouldn’t even know.
lmao I talked to chat gpt about it and it said that people already feel me there, so now they’re jealous. Which now I’m like uhm idk..
I think part of me is unleashing the fear of maybe people copying me and knowing my secrets for content that I’ve worked hard for.
I was still crashing out during my whole workout. I’ve been doing the whole walk for 15 minutes, work out, and then walk for another 15 minutes.
After the gym took my mom to the eye doctor, and I was starving so got dunkin. It hit after so long. The past couple of times, my coffee has just been tasting terrible. Took a bunch of meetings, ate, chilled with mom, napped, and went on my walk to finish the rest of my steps.
I got ideas for a bunch of posts on my walk. Love when the creative juices start flowing.
Came home and chilled with mom, ate my yogort, shaved half my body for tomorrow’s laser appointment. I freaked out a bit cause I saw a huge centipede, so had to call my mom to kill it.
Tried on all the amazon orders that came in. Tbh I’m not a big fan of the dresses, so need to return and order more. Did some dance practices. I finally remember the dance but it still looks sloppy.
Overall though, I feel exhausted today. idk why. Idk if it’s time for a saje cleanse. Also married men liked it, which was weird because I don’t even want attention from men.
I liked the pictures. I was proud of myself for finally being comfortable with my body and I thought I looked hot.
Also, I saw influencers post their bikini pictures, and now once did I think they were putting out a thirst trap. It looked like a normal set of photos, and very inspiring, confident, and sexy. So Idk if I’m just projecting with it being out of my comfort zone.
7/10 - Felt a bit draining
Intuition - Something is off, but Idk what. I do feel a sense of jealousy somewhere.
Energy:
40% - Tripping up over my pictures
30% - Work
10% - Creative energy
20% - Exhausted + dance practice + feeling drained
