6/10 - My heart feels heavy but how can I do my part

I was going to post my post today, but backed down because it just didn’t feel right. There’s a lot going on social media and I want to give safe for the real voices that need to be heard. My pictures can wait.

I had a whole contemplation of what I can do to help. It feels risky publicly talking about the stuff going on making stances especially when people are getting kidnapped. But there is something that fits my brand and something I’ve overcame. This time around, I feel grounded and I feel safe. I know in my heart me and my family are divinely protected. I feel their pain, but I’m not in fear for the most part anymore. My heart does hurt because I can’t believe this is what the country is going through right now.

I decided I was going to make a video on how to regulate your nervous system especially if you’re a victim of this trauma. There’s so many people living in fear right now, and I’ve somewhat overcome that, and I feel like it’s my part to help them do it too. I just didn’t know what angle to take or how to even make this video. Also, if I had a huge following that’s what comes with power. With power comes with great responsibilities - spiderman. And it can’t be more true. I can’t just stay silent on important issues, I need to do my part.

Anyways, washed my hair and then took my mom to her dentist appointment. I was talking to her about all this on the way there.

I’m so proud of the nation. But I hope there is enough impact to make a change and to scare the people it needs to scare. I don’t want us to blind-sighted. But at the same time, I think people are waking up. Most people thought there was no way the person was going to get elected, and everyone was shook when he actually was elected.

I came back and did some work, made myself coffee. For some reason, fasting was really hard today. Like I almost didn’t want to fast at all, and that’s never happened to me in the 1.5 years I’ve been fasting. I’ve been experimenting with things I can eat, like today I made matcha too.

Did some more work after eating, and also set my mom straight. She told me that in our family only one person could work at a time, and I set her straight because no that’s a limiting belief. She needs to get out of that mentally. Everything up till now happened to prepare me, now we’re safe and we have to as a family get out our limiting beliefs. She also needs to live a life for herself with her own identity. She’s no longer my mom or someone’s wife or someone’s sister. This is her time to live. The privilege she’s never had up to now.

I started seeing a lot of protest stuff on tiktok and honestly it started affecting me. I don’t even know what I feel for it. It’s not fear though. I think I’m proud of being standing up and this going in the history books.

I did take nap to just calm down my feelings a bit. When I woke up I blowdried my hair. While I was blowdrying, it kind of just hit me that the stuff I was seeing on tiktok was part of my story too. I’ve overcame all that too. I tried to cry it out but it wasn’t that intense.

For some reason, I feel like I have a lot of strength right now and I don’t think it’s because I need to endure the pain, it’s because I need to have the strength and power to heal others. It’s almost like a calling to make this tiktok.

So I tried, but the words just weren’t coming out. I think I need to make a soft script to write down what I need to say first.

I was going to go walk, and honestly I probably should have but also was okay just letting it be today and taking an off day.

Also, no one has checked up on me and that’s a bit shocking but at the same time I’m not in pain, so idk if everyone is just sensing my energy and knows I’m okay or they truly don’t give a shit about me. A little confused on why no one is reaching out.

I am proud of myself though because I don’t think I’m scared anymore officially. I’ve been reposted and stuff. Still a bit catious but I’m not silencing myself completely.

I also watched Governor Newsom’s speech and it was great. He was flat out speaking the truth without any filter. Tbh he should have ran for president.

Intuition - I need to make this tiktok about how to escape the feeling of fear. I also think I officially need to embody being a “healer”. That’s the label that will define this next chapter of my life. Not a creator, not a visualiser. A healer. That’s the root of what I want to do for other people.

6/10 - Felt like a heavy but proud day

Energy:
20% - trying to do my part
20% - just catching up on the whole protest situation
20% - trying to regulate my emotions
20% - trying to figure out what I need to say
10% - work
10% - staying strong