6/5 - Admiration comes with jealousy
Woke up early today to go to the gym, but my mom needed to go to work urgently, so dropped her off there instead first and then went to the gym. Going to the gym everyday was a part of my most recent goals. I’m still trying to find a balance. Usually after walking for a hour, I get too tired to lift, and that’s what happened today. I think I’m going to start doing a 10-minute warm walk, lift for a hour (with an actual scedule) not just freestyling, and then walk for 20 minutes. This way I can walk as long as I feel, and not get too tired to lift. Also, still need to go in the morning, so I can do the rest of my steps at night while watching a show or something or by going on a nature walk.
Getting closer to figuring out this gym lifestyle too though. Also, while walking today, I had the most insane creative shoot idea. Walking really activites my creative juices.
Going to do an ancestor themed photoshoot at one point. That’d be sooo cool, especially with the Anik Khan’s “where we came from”. This would literally go so hard. I did have a moment where I was like “what am I?” A writer? A storytelling? A content creator? I feel like I’m going into a new category. It’s like healing, coaching, writing, visual storytelling, content creation, and influencing all in one.
Anyways, after the gym, went to walmart to return a couple of things, and then again khol’s. Had a whole convo with the Khols rep too. I love how until now I thought he hated me.
On my way home, my best friend made me a banana carmel latte, so went to go pick that up. Lmao gave her my criticism, but honestly, the cold foam was really good. After coming home, had to get straight to working. My team was being super annoying. Sometimes, I don’t understand why they can’t just figure things out. Like everything doesn’t need to be complicated. They really aren’t self-sufficient, and I don’t get why. Like I don’t if I suck at training them, or if they just lack the intelligence to do. Like I really can’t tell if this makes me good at my job or bad at it. I definitely am a super passive boss, where I don’t take on their stress. I treat it as their problem because I need to put my energy in more important things. But also, I’m like super chill when problem solving. Like I actually don’t stress anymore, and literally do things in 10 minutes.
Anyways, went to go pick up mom, came home, ate, and then we went to my mom’s best friend’s house to go hang out with my childhood friend and my niece. Before going, I got my delivery of these rice cake snacks I used to eat in SF so make a little care package for her with some of those and an adaptagenic drink lol. We got got some mangoes. Haven’t seen her since Jan, so it’s been a while. Everyone said they were proud of me, but I could feel a bit of jealousy coming from my childhood friend. It’s one of those things, where people are happy for you but are also jealous. I literally talked about the same thing with my best friend today where that’s why people support strangers more than their own people. It’s jealousy in the form of admiration. Your growth shows someone else the lack of their growth. She was talking about how she was proud of my weight loss, so I had to teach her about high cortisol bodies. Ever since she got my neice, she’s been on fight or flight mode. And I can see she’s overwhelmed.
I think I’m getting better at noticing someone else’s pain but not making it my own. I do still get slightly comfortable and try helping them. I think she see’s how free I am being single. And tbh no part of me actually wants her life. I’m so much more happier with my life right now. She also told me that I inspire her.
Before leaving we also had dinner there, and I told her about the adaptagenic drink I brought her. Lmao I’m a like a lowkey ambassador at this point. I’ve told at least 10 people about then, plus the people on my IG story. We ended came home at like 9pm. Might be going tomorrow too.
I am a bit caffeinated today. Literally had a whole celsuis and a my best friend’s coffee. I’m listening to the same song to hack my ADHD brain to focus.
I also ended up reblocking that one ex I didn’t block yesterday because I don’t want anyone’s old energy in my life.
7/10 - It went by super quick
Intuiton - tbh people being inspired by you but also jealous of you is part of success. I’ve done it too.
Energy:
25% - working out
25% - errands
25% - neice + catching up
25% - working
