6/3 - Recovery day

Woke up early to drop mom off. The lady she works for has cancer and is super sick now, so there was a bit of gloom going in. My mom took a month off to recover from her eye surgery, and within that month, the lady literally got super sick, so we were praying for her and just reflecting on how life changes so fast.

On the way, my mom also told me some guy at the mandir put in a rishta. She showed me his pictures, and I said no. My mom never had the opportunity to say no, so this freaks her out a bit. It’s the people pleaser in her that I’m encouraging her to heal. But I think this is almost like a full circle moment for her, healing her.

I came home and went to sleep. I feel like all my exhaustion from the weekend was finally coming out, so today felt like a reset, recovery day. The goal was to get everything pending done, so I can get back to my routine starting tomorrow.

I immediately had a meeting after waking up, and ngl the chaos in the meeting was a lot. After my call, had to immediately go pick up my mom.

Came back and ate, caught up on our shows, and then I literally couldn’t stay awake so went back to sleep. I was just so exhausted.

After waking up, I decided I was going to post my Day 3 tiktok. I barely checked to see if it was perfect. I knew I just needed to get it out. People I know are also finding my other tiktok, so it’s a bit annoying but whatever, it was meant to happen one day. I have to accept visibility from everyone, not just people I want. That’s what visibility is at the end of the day.

I needed to catch up on my journals, so was going to do that, when my mom was in the living room, so I decided to go spend time with her instead.

I came back, and decided to send my SF friend a message. Just felt right. I know she’s close to her healing journey too, and she just needs a sign that people love her unconditionally.

I also started my del sur candle. It’s comforting and almost feels like a symbol of a new journey. A day when I decided I wasn’t going to settle for less.

I’m also obsessed with some of my Palm Spring pictures, so I keep looking back at them. Overall, I do also think the reason why I’m so exhausted is because I finally feel like I can breathe. Like my trip was great, I made it home safely, and my mom was safe.

This trip kind of exposed that I’m still living in survival mode. I still find chaos safer even though I know I don’t mentally deserve it. My mind feels caught up that I’m now in my peace era, but my body still doesn’t feel safe, so sometimes it comes up in the form of anxiety.

Intuition - I still need to release all my fear. I’m getting to a point where I’m just tired of it.

8/10 - It felt peaceful, it felt like recovery. Idk why it feels like I was gone for a week.

Energy:
20% - Trying to get back into my routine.
80% - Resting