8/23/25 - Comfortable with being seen, not a mirror, but a test

I woke up and immediately my stomach was hurting. I couldn’t tell if it was cramps or the crunches from yday. But I was bleeding a lot, so immediately went to go shower and that’s when my mom insisted I go to costco with my cousin but I refused to go wake him up after he was screaming at me the day before. Was in the mood to just not talk to him.

Everyone in the house were just bickering, so I just went into the room and finished my show. I just felt like the energy was so off and I was so ready to leave.

We had lunch and didn’t talk to my cousin during lunch too.

After lunch, my mom said she was going to come with me costco, so both of us went and my cousin said he wasn’t going to come back until later that night, so said bye to him.

Trying rushing to costco because I needed to come back home to get ready to go out and still needed to shave.

At Costco we got a bunch of things for the house and then rushed back to my house to drop it off directly. Also picked up a couple of outfit options to wear tonight.

Went back to my aunt’s house and somehow put an outfit together pretty quickly, especially since I didn’t have time to wash my hair or shave. Put on a jacket and the outfit came together pretty well.

While I was driving, I told myself that I was okay being fully seen. Up until now, I was very uncomfortable when she made eye contact with me. But this time I accepted it.

Picked her up and then drove to dinner. Made a resy for late, and I totally thought they were going to give a table earlier but they didn’t, so we just grabbed a drink and were talking at the bar. The vibes between us are awkward. Idk what it is. But we started talking and I was trying to be myself. I finally got to know more about her work too.

During dinner, we started talking and she was basically like she’s a f girl and was thinking about reaching out to her ex’s friend. I told her that wasn’t a good idea because she would put herself back into that mentally.

I was overextending myself way more and asking her questions, and really tried to keep the convo going.

We ended up going to trivoli to get the sticky date for desert and even there I was keeping the convo going. I dropped her off.

On the way back I was reflecting. Overall, I hated my time with her. She was sooooooo draining. I overextended myself way too much. And although I don’t know how to cut things off when I’m with someone, I literally can not hang out with her ever again. She is not a mirror. She was literally a test. And even beyond the draining part, she doesn’t add any value to my life. Her frequency doesn’t match with mine. And I refuse to accept charity cases. She doesn’t inspire me to be a better person. Neither do I vibe with her.

For the first time in life, I knew I needed to no longer give someone a chance. Sometime I was always guilty of doing in the past. I would literally do this all the time on dates with V, J, and N. I actually didn’t vibe with anyone. I overcompensated and over time got attached. This time, I said no. Crazy. I didn’t abandon myself.
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I also realized my cousin was in a hotel. Like why lol. I genuinely don’t get him.

Intuition - She’s a test. I’m proud of myself for saying I don’t want to hang out with her ever again.

6/10 - Felt like a hectic day and all I wanted to do was go home.

Energy:
25% - trying to make it on time
25% - felt so busy and rushed
25% - drained from hanging out with someone
25% - proud of myself for taking a stance for myself