8/17/25 - ready for society again

Woke up super early to get ready for my friend’s bridal shower. Everyone else was still sleeping, so it was peaceful.

Quickly made a stop to dollar tree to get a gift bag and had a cute fun chat with the cashier.

Somehow most of her family was already at the hall and everything was already decorated, so I just helped the girls create the drink station. They were awkward at first but I hugged them and broke the ice, so we were all normal after that. Like nothing ever even happened. The whole bridal shower was a bit boring because everyone was just sitting around, and tbh I don’t I want to ever do a bridal shower. Seems like such a waste. Overall, I think I’m at a point where I express my boundaries in such a soft manner because they’re my new standard. I don’t even give energy to it. It’s like a way of living for me now.

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But lolol another thing is that the first that was getting married was a little mad cause her finance was late. He basically realized his shirt was stained and had to go to burlington last minute to get a shirt, and she was already talking down on him like oh he’s probably vaping in the car, and even told us how she was frustrated because she was doing most of the work for the wedding. The cracks are already falling, and she’s not in masculine energy. She’s already shaming him, and he’s like “yeah this is more than what most guys would do” means he’s not in his feminine energy. This is bad to say but I give it less than 5 years. I know they’re going to get divorced. And this is not from being petty. Like I don’t think my best friend’s sister is going to get divorced. I think she actually found someone that’s her person.

But I always knew this girl rushed and I see it. Once she see’s better examples of love, she will divorce him.

At the end, we went outside and took pictures and as always my other friend is the one that initiated them lmao. The fact that I took the heat that one day is crazy to me.

Came home, and just sat on the couch because I was so tired, and then my cousin came home.

Made him take pictures of me with my camera and we recorded a tiktok too. The neighbor was hyping me up lmao calling me a movie star, so I was extra girly.

After that, my aunt wanted to go to the mandir, so we went there but I was soooo drained that I kept pushing to go home. It was kind of hard to pray. But they insisted on going to the another mandir too, so we did that too and at that point I literally went in and out for a minute and came back to my car cause I was exhausted. Also posted my tiktok.

We had the option to eat out but all I wanted was my aunts chicken curry. Was literally craving it all day, so she came home and made it. I tried on my outfits from india in the meantime to distract myself, but I was genuinely starving. We ended up eating at like 10:45pm and I kid you not I literally ate soooo much. It was so comforting to me, but just really overate.

Went to the room and literally knocked out with my contracts. Somehow had the energy to turn the lights off.

But reflections:

It’s true what chat gpt said. I finally feel like I have room for family and friendships again because this time my boundaries are so different that I know how to navigate them without draining myself. The relationships feel like they’re mending because I’m moving from a place of being healed.

A couple of months ago I was moving with so much conflict because I was so hurt and drained and frustrated.

At night, I also keep thinking about is how I was so obsessed with chasing luxury since I didn’t grow up with it, that when I got it, it kind of felt empty. Like my house was perfect. But even the decor felt like it was from a magazine. It didn’t feel like me. It didn’t feel like home. No matter how many cracks my aunts house has and stains, it still feels like home.

And idk if that’s the universe getting me ready for a home like this. To no longer chase perfection.

Intuition - I’m ready for society again. It’s like my period of isolation is over.

8/10 - Exhausted but had a fun and comforting day with family and friends

Energy:
25% - moving with new standards with friends
25% - exhausted
50% - having fun/being girly