8/18/25 - no more overextending in old friendships
Woke up so exhausted, but knew I had so much work that I needed to get done. I was behind on my journals too and still needed to write my statement.
Tried working from my bed was but still distracted, so called my cousin to see if he wanted to go to a coffee shop and work from there. Got ready, did my easy 5 minute makeup routine (officially digging it as an everyday look) and we went to this coffee shop called portage grounds. I liked it. It was homey.
I took my meetings. Ngl my boss went behind my back for something but called him out on it in the meeting and as always love putting him on the spot because he usually has no inputs.
Somehow I started chat gpting about what my new house might look like, and I’m excited. Hopefully, it all come true even though it kind of feels out of reach at the moment. But I need to break that and believe anything is possible.
It also kind of makes sense on why I was forced to stay at my aunts house to warm up to the idea and really like living in a house because if you literally told me a week ago that I need to move into a house for rent, I would have probably said hell no. I’m not ready. But after staying here, I feel ready for my home era.
Some how my cousin and I started having a heart to heart while he was eating his bday cupcake and he told me how he was depressed and hopes he could heal too. For some reason, it doesn’t feel draining telling him healing stuff because I feel like he actually wants to learn. Also told him what I thought about the bridal shower yesterday.
We came home and ate lunch and now I’m journaling. Surprisingly I don’t feel sleepy.
Me and my best friend were supposed to hang out today but she hasn’t texted and I’m not texting her. She always flakes, so I’ve made peace with it by accepting if she wants to hang, she’ll text. Ngl it kind of hurts, but that's how I’m establishing my boundary by not texting her and overextending myself. But I am “waiting” to see if she texts me so it is draining me a bit.
Need to accept she won’t and just move on with my day to take the energy off of her.
I have to write my statement and for some reason, I feel like i’m procastinating but idk why. Like am I scared? nervous? or not ready and need more time to stabilize myself? Am I not pushing myself hard enough? Is it divine timing?
I really want bubble tea but it’s heavily raining outside. Part of me wonders if my house is going to flood again.
The rain stopped for a bit, so I did actually end up going to get bubble tea and tbh it was mid. My favorite is still this one place in wicker park.
Came back and somehow got in the zone to write most of my statement, so wrote until I was tired and now just have a little left.
We ate avocado toast for dinner and then watched my oxford year. It was so cute and sad.
While we were watching the movie, it was heavily raining outside, so every time I would smell something or hear water, I would run to the basement. I’m basically a bit traumatized at this point and have PTSD.
But I’m 100% getting more warmed up to the idea of white guys. Like I see they have depth now. My soulmate preview felt like wow, I can actually have feelings for a white guy. And then my neighbor felt like wow they can actually care and not be selfish. Almost unlearning everything I’ve learned about white guys. And now with these movies, I see the chemisty and love too.
Also, I’ve been seeing tiktoks of indian girls with white guys and I can actually see myself in that relationship now, which makes me 100% sure my person is white. Like there’s no other reason that the universe would be warming me up to white guys now.
Whenever I envision my mom with my husband in the kitchen, it’s always a white guy too.
Intuition - This is what life is about
8/10 - Was a busy but productive day. It was a warm rainy day
Energy:
25% - trying to catch up on work
25% - writing my statement
50% - enjoying family time
