8/12/25 - anxiety

Last night, we ended up going to the Hilton Orrington hotel. We ended up ubering because I was high and I didn’t want to risk it. Every other hotel was kind of far and this is the same hotel I came to with J 2 years ago.

Showered and then went to sleep. Was super tired. Woke up at 9:30am to go open the door for my house since all the workers came to take the water/waste out. Ubered there.

I just opened the door. I didn’t even go inside. Took my car and then came back to the hotel and slept.

Woke up at 1pm because mom and I were fasting and we needed to go get the fasting food. 

Showered and then drove there. We ate and then went back to my house to see everything. Most of the water was cleared out and everything was just drying. 

We grabbed returns and left to run errands. Went to target to return a bunch of things and then Kohl’s. Sat in the car for a while because I was so sleepy and it was pouring again. 

We went to the house to grab a few things and then went to the mandir for pooja. 

We did the whole pooja there and I was just praying to god to show me direction. Basically leaving it all in his hands. 

After the pooja, we went back to the house to get a couple of things and the owners brother came and I was asking him questions. Something about his energy told me they were at fault and he was avoiding responsibility, so I took the information in and drove mom and me to the hotel. Had to park a bit far.

Before going to shower I chatgpted everything and found out it was the owners fault. We were the lowest connection point and he didn’t insert a backflow valve. It also wasn’t a city problem, it was the building sewage problem. So everything was preventable. Having a bit of anxiety on what to tell the owner tomorrow. I even called to see if a plumber can come inspect to write a report but they need the owners permission for it. I really just hope my owner doesn’t try getting off the hook and just own responsibility. 

Praying it goes well but at the same time I’m prepared. I don’t want to fight though and I’m trying to stay in my feminine energy. 

Took a shower and now journaling. I kind of do feel like crying. Until now I was strong like it didn’t hit me and now I’m just so confused and praying for god to help me. 

How I feel: confused, angry, and a little anxious

I was a little anxious in the morning, and couldn’t believe all this had actually happened but then I was confused on what the spiritual reason for all this happening could mean. And then became a bit angry cause wtf this is all such a mess. And now I’m confused again because idk what to do next. Like fuck I have to move again, where… when. I just don’t know anything. 

Everything is starting to seep in so I feel drained. I was so positive yesterday and today I’m kind of anxious, sad and scared. 

Energy: 

25% - on the go/alert and responding to the mess
25% - Trying to calm myself
25% - Annoyed 
25% - Finally feeling the impact of the chaos I just went through

Intuition: i’m scared but god is with me. I trust him. 

5/10 - still a shitty day. I feel disgusted knowing we live in sewage contamination. There was literally shit everywhere in my room.