8/11/25 - free will + night mare
Today was such a free will day tbh that turned into a nightmare.
Woke up with a confusing dream. lmao I basically got pregnant a day before me and J broke up and I went all the way to NY to tell him, and I thought he was going to treat me like shit but he started being nice to me, but I just knew he wasn’t my person, so I got sad on why god did this to me but surrendered and put it in god’s hands.
I was soo confused on if this meant I had feelings for my ex or miss the way he treated me sometimes? but at the same time I knew he wasn’t my person in the dream too. So had to ask gpt. Still confused though.
Anyways, I felt like exercising free will, so I literally got ready, did my new everyday makeup and wore a cute dress in which I felt girly and decided I was going to drive to little italy to get a chicken vodka sandwich before my meeting.
There was traffic, but I was determined. Got there and I couldn’t find parking at first, so went around a bit and then eventually found parking right in front of the shop.
Got in and it was so authentic. I asked for my vodka sauce on the side since I saw a lot of people saying it got soggy quickly. Also got this thin crust focaccia. The girl taking my order was so pretty, so I told her that and I could tell it made her day.
Took some videos to make a tiktok in the meantime, and then as soon as I got it, I went into my car and it was so hot that I started eating it in the car. Can confirm it was really good and it definitely made it to my list of food sandwiches. The thin focaccia was also so good.
Ate half of it and then rushed back home for my meeting. Took my meeting, and then warmed up the other half of my sandwich in the airfryer and ate. Mom also liked the focaccia.
Worked a bit after that and then napped a bit. I had booked massage appointments for my mom and I, so we went there. It was a couples room, so lmao my mom snoring was distracting me. And I was so convienced that she was going only focus on my back. I thought it was okay but my mom loved it. I don’t feel like any of my knots came out but I also didn’t know if I had any.
Came home and watched TV with mom, and then went to my room to journal and listen to music. Even lit a candle since it was raining a bit outside. At like 10pm, I decided to take an edible while I was journaling.
But then somehow started smelling the worst smell. I just thought it was coming from outside but literally my worst nightmare happened and I saw my whole room covered in water with shit floating. I literally panicked and started yelling there was a flood to my mom who was in the living room.
Literally immediately called my owner but my fingers almost felt a bit stuck. It was panic and I was trying to keep my head straight and stay calm. I couldn’t figure out where the water was coming from but I called my neighbor to ask him if his house flooded too and he said it didn’t.
But he came up and saw the water was coming from the laundry room but the sewer. The owner still wasn’t answering my phone but my neighbor said he had tools to remove the water so he went to go get it and mom and I started removing water with a broom and dust pan. Literally shit and water were everywhere and my mom started shaking. Eventually, she said crying and I had to calm her down to tell her I wasn’t scared and that I knew something good was going to come out of it.
While we were coming the water started flowing again and that’s when I was like holy fuck. The owner called back after I texted him and his wife and then he said he was out of town but his brother was coming.
My neighbor comes back so we both start to take the water out, and then 10 minutes later, his friend and owner’s brother come. He was basically shook and eventually told us that the cleaners would come in the morning and told us to go the hotel. I thanked my neighbor’s friend and eventually they all left.
Mom and I packed and we ubered to the hilton in evanston. I didn’t want to drive high, even thought I didn’t feel high cause of all the chaos. The same place I stayed with J. Felt like the universe always wanted me to close the loop.
Even got to the hotel and took a picture with our dolly cart to remember it as a funny moment and to lighten up the mood.
Both mom and I showered. I washed my hair and we went straight to bed.
-
Somehow internally I felt like staying calm because something in me just knew something good was going to come out of it. So I wasn’t internally freaking out.
I was trying to be there for my mom’s nervous system and told her to talk to her inner child too.
I think the trauma hasn’t synced in yet.
Somehow my white neighbor really showed up for me, in a “saving” way so I kind of saw white people in a new light. He was flirting but I kept ignoring him and tried staying in my feminie energy. Literally I was doing everything in a dress.
5/10 - My day was going great until all this shit happened. I was so at peace and so was my mom. Almost like the universe was preparing us for what was about to go down.
Intuition - Everything will be okay. I’m confident god won’t let anything bad happen to me.
Energy:
40% - staying in my feminine energy + free will
60% - disaster control for the flood nightmare.
