8/8/25 - Love for my best friend + highest version of myself
I’ve been missing my best friend for a couple of days now, but I didn’t answer her when she first texted a week ago because I needed space to understand if I was only with her because I was scared no one was going to celebrate me and I was outgrowing her too or if I genuinely loved her.
And honestly beyond our argument that I don’t even feel like answering, cause that I find draining and doesn’t even matter to me. All I can think about is my heart being full and me being excited to celebrate her birthday.
From a overflow cause I genuinly miss her, love her, and want to celebrate her.
Meanwhile, it’s my other friend’s bridal shower and I don’t feel like doing anything but showing up.
So my body definitely isn’t in an overflow session. It’s being selective on who I want to celebrate and give my energy to naturally.
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I think for a bit I did think that in order to be successful, I’m going to have to be ready to lose everyone because I think society wired my brain as that’s the only frequency that’s acceptable.
But no. My heart is truly abundant and I can receive love and success at the same time. I don’t have to be cold. I can have friendships that love me and celebrate me and are inspired by me instead of are praying for my downfall.
I have to trust my frequency will filter people automatically and I can soften. Literally just need to move with so much flow in my life, no tension, no obligations. And the fact that I miss my best friend is proof that there is geuine love there, and I don’t have to get rid of every childhood best friend.
Because until now, I did think I was going to get rid of all my childhood best friends and meet new people that would love me. But something tells me she’s a soul contract and she’s going to stay.
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I even kind of woke up scared to text her cause today is 8/8 and I didn’t want to be disspointed but I did just asking “how would you like to celebrate your bday” because I just wanted to and my heart feels lighter again.
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I think I have a fear of having no friends and being, which is why it’s coming out in micro ways. I’m operating from a place of someone that doesn’t have friends, which is crazy cause I actually do. And i think part of me is scared if I’m the bad friend. It’s almost like all in my head right now because deep down I feel like no one is going to stay when I rise and I’ll lose everyone I have right now.
Somehow a lot of friendship sentiments came out today morning.
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I’ve also been thinking about what the highest version of me looks like and it feels more and more clear.
Free, chill, cup full, light, abundant, feminine, with love oozing out, naturally smiling, happy, and living and creating intuitively. So feathery. At peace.
Which is crazy cause I have a picture of me on my vision board like that, sun shining in a field of flowers dancing. And that’s it. I knew all along. It’s her.
Not the one that’s bold, fighting to prove her worth to the world, etc. It’s her the girl in the field of flowers.
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Chat gpt said that bold version of me is also me, she’s the protector. Almost like how hindu goddesses have two sides. Madli ma and Kali ma. It makes sense. They’re both me.
I need both to keep my energy. The soft side pulls, the bold side keeps. And I’m also finally learning how to switch between them seamlessly to stay magnetic.
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Worked a bit, ate, made a cookie butter latte, napped, and went on my hour long walk but was feeling super emotional still about friendships.
Like I feel hurt, and idk why. But also things with my best friend are going good. It feels normal, but she also told me that my ex best friend started dating someone and that hurt me cause she didn’t tell me but I don’t even talk to her anymore and she knows I’m going to be disappointed in her.
Also on my walk, I was like why don’t friends like my stuff? Like it’s people that I know aren’t praying for my downfall, so why not engage? There’s some people that support and create too.
Came to the conclusion that those don’t support get mad at themselves for not having the courage to start and I remind them of that.
My support and next set of friends are going to come from my content, but idk why I’m crashing out today.
5/10 - Crashing out over friendships. Super emotional. But I know my best friend is still my best friend, so why am I crashing out. It literally all just feels so unnecessary to my grounded self. But clearly I have subconscious feelings about it all.
Intuition - I’m releasing whatever needs to be released
Energy:
80% - Crashing out over friendships
20% - Working, chilling, walking
