8/7/25 - It’s not my story.

Last night I read something super shocking about one of my favorite influencers, someone I thought could be a friend of mine at some point.

Basically, she got drunk and killed someone, and that was honestly super shocking. At first, I felt her pain and was like what if that was me. But then I felt the pain of the victim’s family and was like if someone did that to my family, idc I don’t think I can forgive no matter how much I understand the other side.

And for a hot second, my nervous system went crazy cause I took on her pain and the victim’s pain like it was my own. I felt scared as if this was preparing me for something bad, but then I had to comfort myself, and tell myself this is astha’s story not mine. I had to detach from it. And just prayed that god gives her strength. But I felt super heavy going to sleep and waking up.

It finally made sense. I needed to learn how to detach from other people’s pain and not take it up as my story. My story is my story.

The more I become visible and the more people see me as a source of wisdom, grounded energy, I’m sure there are worst stories that are going to come to me.

I can’t try to save them by taking on their pain just because I know what they need, be drained by their pain, leak my own energy, try to save them, stop my happiness because of their pain, or feel guilt for my own success. I literally have to learn how to be completely detached. Like a therapist almost. I can listen and hold space but not make it mine. Because I’ll just be miserable if I do and won’t hold the frequency of success.

And honestly I feel like I did a good job with that with recent events including my friends friend getting into a coma, or even my cousin having to pay hospital bills, but I seperated myself from those based on other reasons. Like friends friend, I didn’t know. And cousin did me dirty.

This hit a little differently because she felt a little more personal. I respected her. Her content made me feel her feelings, like I feel her through a screen and I want my audience to feel me through a screen too. So she hit hard and I had to learn how to detach from good people’s pain too. People I see myself in hit a bit differently.

I talked to chat gpt and honestly what it said was so true. I try being the person for other people that never showed up for me, that’s why I feel their pain like my own to really try to save them, especially when I know how to save them.

But I have to trust that it’s their own journey, just like I was on my own. Any type of interference wouldn’t have led me to where I am today, especially since my life is so designed. I also wouldn’t understand the same things I know now even if I told myself the same stuff 5 years ago and tried saving myself. I just wouldn’t comprehend. I had to go through it myself to understand, people just played a role as a catalyst.

Even right now, I’m literally learning things through personal experiences. Meanwhile, my mom reads everything in religious books and still doesn’t get it. You have to go through it yourself.

Like chat gpt said - I can only be the light at the end of the tunnel for them to move forward, just by being me and sharing my current life out of the tunnel.
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Anyways, I woke up early and drank an electrolyte before going to my workout class so I didn’t feel like fainting, but also made it right on time.

Went back to my car, and then did my makeup, and randomly felt like filming, so I made some clips before going inside for my haircut and told them I was going to film so casually. My sylist was filming too, and I was yapping away with her. Somehow started giving her marketing tips too. My filming was so effortless, like I was in the flow.

My layers were still a little long, so idk how I feel about my hair but I still liked it. Filmed a couple of more clips, and then went to fairgrounds for coffee and to work for a bit.

Felt so great and extra with my blowout. Worked there for a bit too, and then drove home.

Had a call with my boss for KPIs as I went home. Lol I told him how I felt about the company not respecting employees.

Anyways, I ate. Watched TV with mom, and took another meeting for the H1B event.

And then started trying on dresses. Got a kurti, also figured out what dress I’m wearing on sunday. Since I was already dressed up and had my hair done, I felt like fixing my makeup to take pictures/tiktoks. So I did that on my phone and then randomly got creative and pulled out my DSLR and tripod for the first time to try taking self-timer photos. Lolol they were a bit off but I felt super retro and sexy, very confident.

Got in the energy of having a hot mans. lmao.

And then got dominos for dinner. Had a coupon for a free pizza, and watched TV with mom.

At night before journaling, I literally edit my tiktoks so quickly. Made like 3, including the voiceover one for my haircut video. It felt so effortless, natural, and in flow.

Also the conversation with the random girl from IG is going somewhere too, so we might be going to a wokeup class next week.

10/10 - It started off kind of rough but I’m so proud of myself. Felt like I was the highest version of myself, and was in just flow with creation, confidence, and even editing.

Intuition - My story is my story. Forever need to protect shalini and her energy.

Energy:
20% - readjusted my nervous system
40% - was super creative
20% - worked, got stuff done
20% - confident, haircut, workout