8/4/25 - Love myself enough to protect myself
My SF friend called me at like 9am in the morning to tell me that N and her boyfriend hung out in vegas together and lol I had zero reactions when she was telling me on the phone. Ngl I was so shocked. I wasn’t mad or anything. Not like the reactions I had the past couple of times where I completely flipped out. That’s when I knew I was completely over him.
After we hung up, I ended up seeing all the pictures/videos on her boyfriend’s snapchat and again didn’t feel a thing.
For the first time in life, I love myself enough to protect myself. I no longer want him. He’s not a frequency match.
My person will understand things like frequency and again he’ll feel like I’ve known him my whole life. N was decent, but he’s not my person. And I believe that with my whole heart now.
The universe doesn’t need to protect me because I literally love myself so much to the point, I instantly have self-respect for myself. Even if I was boy crazy for a day, I didn’t abandon myself, and I dropped him in a day because his energy was messy with having a girlfriend. That can never be my person.
There is no ifs and buts anymore. Or room for maybes. I finally know what I want, and I love myself enough to not settle for it no matter who comes my way. And I couldn’t do this even a couple of months ago. A couple of months ago, I was confused about if I should entertain that arrange marriage guy and the universe had to save me. Now, I’m like hell no. His energy is too messy and his frequency is too low for me. He can again never be my person.
I’ve done the work. I’ve done all the hard things to gain my own trust and self-respect. That’s probably why the guy friend came back yday. He’s not harming me enough for the universe to remove him. But he is a test to see if I can take myself out of people and situations that I don’t feel like are good for me.
And today was just another test that I didn’t feel anything for.
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Anyways, got ready and decided to put a dress and somewhat do my hair to see if that would put me in boss energy and inspire me to get more shit done.
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Lmao at work, my designer used a picture of J from the photoshoot and for him there was a little bit of anger, where I felt like I had to delete the message but nothing else. I don’t want to be with him, but I guess now I need to release my anger. I don’t feel anger for N, which is weird because he did me dirty too. But I feel like J broke my trust more, which is why I hate him more. The anger comes from letting someone treat me so pourly.
So maybe now/today, I need to work on also forgiving myself for not loving myself in the past.
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Made carmel coffee and took my meetings. Was super confident in them. Then ate lunch and watched TV for a bit with mom. Grabbed another mocktail. Feeling a bit on the drink side today.
The malta people finally agreed to my terms, so had a meeting with my boss to see if there was anything else we needed to look at.
Somewhere in between, I played my voiceover again and honestly, it was boring, so going to try again. The good part is I always know my own quality, at least for voiceover videos. The bad part is now I feel stuck again, idk if I should create the video first and then do the voiceover, so should I wing another voiceover, or make more cuts to the current one.
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On the other note, my skin has been really acting up so need to get a couple of things for it because wth is going on. I have been drinking a lot more coffee. It just feels dull. And idk if the hair is causing whiteheads.
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Overall, got ready, wore an old anarkali. Mom and I are going to the mandir today.
Went to Jewel in my indian anarkali and ngl went like a boss ass bitch. I got those dollar chocolate bars that kids sell on corners. I remember selling them in high school too and now I just bought 5 like it was nothing. I love how post parents just bought their kid’s chocolate, meanwhile, I actually sold mine, so felt nostologic.
Everyone kept staring at me at the mandir too, so I knew I looked great. The arrange marraige guys’ aunt was also there. We came home at 9pm and ngl I ate a whole chocolate bar, so was in total 1.75 chocolate bars deep for the day.
10/10 - I feel great knowing I’m officially over all my exes. N was a hard one. I was over J the day we broke up but I couldn’t get myself to forgive myself but will today. Need to talk to my nervous system.
Intuition - This is the exact level of clean energy I want to feel before meeting my person.
Energy:
20% - work
40% - happy I’m over my exes
20% - trying to get in the flow of content creation
20% - god and praying
