7/31/25 - Finding beauty in rediscovering myself
After my menty-b last night, I feel like I finally realized that maybe there is beauty in it all after talking to chat gpt. Like maybe it is because this is the first time I’m getting to know myself beyond my trauma and survival instincts and instead of being scared, I should just welcome it open arms.
I’ve been feeling stuck creatively also because I think I wanted to create from a place of knowing who am I, and showing that to the world, but maybe the key to creating is just expressing whatever I’m feeling in real time. Like maybe I should create content about learning to find myself again and it’s about the journey. Example, reza and puja make content about them going through parenting, john and alex make content about things that happen to them in real time, jaz and harjeet also make content about things that happened in their life. Now that I think about it, content always comes from aligning with real events.
I think I used to think of content has what message do I want to share, but maybe it’s just sharing what feels authentic to me, and that’s what got my creative juices running again and made me excited to create content. It felt aligned again.
Content on me trying to get more comfortable with solo dating, learning to find myself after a whole rebirth, etc.
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For some reason, I woke up super anxious today, like I was going to find out some insane info but I think I just psyched myself out look at some tiktoks yday. Toxic me was convienced my exes got engaged or married or something, so I stalked their best friends BUT NEVER STALKED THEM. Tbh proud of myself for it. And then just made peace with the fact that if I’m supposed to learn some sort of info it’ll come to me automatically.
Before my meetings did my whole routine today. Shaved my entire body, wash my hair, blow-dryied my hair and instantly felt sooo much better and cuter.
Took my meetings with my team and decorator, btw lmao learned the gay guy actually isn’t gay and has a girlfriend but lol I still don’t feel anything, so idek what that phase was 2 days ago. I’m convienced it happend just to teach me stuff. I don’t mess with messy energy.
Ate, watched TV with mom, tried adding things in my cart for indian dresses. Trying to get them ordered today since apartently there are tarrifs for india starting tomorrow. Then mom and I went to old navy to shop but I didn’t like anything there. I’m finally a S and XS there. I’ve honestly never been this small in my life and I kindy am starting to look a bit boney, so now I’m determined to get toned. Need to start hitting the gym again.
Came home had a quick call with my boss, went on my walk, ate a huge dinner when I came home because I was so hungry with carmel ice cream, recorded a random yapping video, and now journaling. Still need to send some emails out and order my dresses.
TOMORROW IS MY ONE-YEAR SINGLE ANNIVERSARY AND HOLY SHIT IN 18 DAYS IT’LL BE ONE YEAR OF WRITING IN MY BLOG EVERY SINGLE DAY! NGL this is the most excited I’ve been for an anniversary. Like I’m insanely pumped and sooooo proud of myself. 1 year of being single and just loving myself. crazy af.
It feels like this year was so long and so short at the same time. Time flew by and now I have every single day re-writen with just me.
8/10 - Started with some anxiety but i feel like I found the clarity I was looking for
Intuition - I just need to share whats happening real time for my content
Energy:
25% - creative juices running
25% - getting beauty in check
25% - shopping
25% - catching up on work
