3/21/26 - June 2nd, asking the universe for clear paths, staying in feminine energy

Woke up early to get ready to drive to the city and meet my SF friend that I haven’t seen in a while. Got ready, did my hair, and then did light makeup.

I was so on top of my eating routine that I tried making my breakfast, but just couldn’t eat that early, so I literally packed a container of cottage cheese and my chia seed pudding and ate the chia seed pudding on the way there through traffic.

Got there, and a few minutes later, we were walking in at the same time. I could tell she was a bit overstimulated and I’m proud of how contained she is. But instead of being contained, I was warm. It didn’t feel awkward, and I tried to stop myself before oversharing. Tried being present too. At one point, though, the sugar from my strawberry matcha was getting to me and I was starting to get hyper and anxious.

Overall, it didn’t feel like I hadn’t seen her in 3 years. By the end of it we were laughing. Part of me did feel like my old self. I dropped her off and made my way to the lakefront for my walk.

Before walking, I finished my chia seed pudding and took my supplements. I was trying to find peace while walking but I was just too anxious; my nervous system did not feel calm.

I walked 40 minutes and sat down to take a break. I realized that I brought my warmth back but I was still hyper aware, like I was trying to ask myself in every decision if I was doing things from my heart or spine. And that’s when I realized it’s not the time to meet my person yet. My person deserves a version of me that’s confident in the way she communicates. I just became stable in the version of me that feels right. Someone with a heart and spine. And I trust that whatever version I show up as with people was the version of me they were meant to get, whether it was the warm me, the contained me, the figuring-it-out me, or the stable me.

My person deserves consistency. A version of me that’s fully whole and confident. And I’m not that yet. Then I randomly thought of date. June 2nd, 2 weeks after my 28 birthday. That date feels right to meet my person. I want to tell my kids that’s I spent being 27 dedicated to my self, finding myself being single. And it gives me enough time to stabilize. I asked claude and claude said that’s the exact date Jupiter goes into cancer too, and when love portals unlock.

Walked another 40 minutes and sat down at my usual spot. It’s crazy to think how that spot has truly seen all seasons of my life. And that’s when I actually started to miss the city. It longer felt like suffocation or survival. It felt like community and people. Idk if I’m just able to feel this about the city now that I have peace and space at home or if the feeling was always there and I was too busy trying to escape the city and my childhood situation of being born in survival.

It wasn’t until the end of the walk where my sugar started to stablize and I started to feel peace again. Literally took 8k steps. The damage strawberry syrup did, and to think I’ve been drinking something like that everyday for the past 27 years. No wonder my body is a shit show right now.

It was 50 minutes to drive home. Meanwhile, my old home was only 15 minutes away. Another reason why I felt like I took living in the city for granted. I truly lived so close, and I kind of just miss my time living in the city. I’m happy living in the burbs too, but the city also has a part of my heart. Idk if I’ll move back and maybe me moving to the burbs was only to show me why I was placed in the city to begin with, or if I’m going to grow used the burbs and have the city as a past chapter of memories.

On the way home, facetimed my other SF friend for a bit to tell her I met up with our mutual, and gave her the quick run down.

Came home, and I was starving. Ate, even made avacado cottage cheese toast too, watched TV with mom, and then dyed my mom’s hair.

After dying my mom’s hair, I went on IG and saw something that freaked me out. There was news that the idiot said baraf was going to take over the airports starting monday, and instantly I went into panic mode and didn’t know if I needed to cancel my trip, so I looked up the cancelation policies and was just like wth of course when I’m about to go. I went on another 30 minute walk outside to get the rest of my steps in and tried to calm down a bit.

Came back, and laid in my room for a bit, and randomly realized that this is not my problem to worry. I’m putting co-creating with the universe to the test.

My intuition still tells me I’m meant to go. That’s why i bought the tickets in the first place. Not going feels like moving from fear.

And I do not want that energy going to New York. I don’t want to be scared the day of, wondering if I’m making the right decision or not. I want to go from a place of expansion.

I’m just following my intuition, and I want to be in my feminine energy of not being hypervigilant and actually going with the flow. If I’m meant to go, I want a clear safe path for me to go. If I’m not meant to go, I need to be mildly sick by 3pm on Wednesday, the 25th, where I have to go the urgent care the next day to get a doctor’s note saying I can’t go.

There should be no fear involved. My yes or no should be clear as day. This is literally not my job to worry about. I’m asking the universe for help and want to receive clear paths.

Went to the mandir and told god the same thing.

Came home and got into an argument with my mom because she was overextending. I yelled at her and got a little mad at why she couldn’t understand when she was self-sacrificing. Idk if this is a sign that I’m still self-sacrificing too, and I still can’t see it.

Overall, messed up my diet sightly but happy I got 13k steps today.