3/20/26 - Heart with a spine, co-creating with the universe

I took melotonin gummy last night, so got some solid sleep again. I had a dream about my first real boyfriend but I don’t think the dream was actually about him. It was to remind me how it feels like when someone’s touch as weight and feels electric.

I could feel every touch in every ounce of my body. It wasn’t even lust. It was body chemistry.

Just remembering that reminded me that my person genuinely needs to feel special too. Maybe this was the reminder after I was getting giddy over guys I talked to yesterday. That connection is basic at this point. My person will feel electric and everything else I’ve ever felt with every guy combined.

Then I made a list of exactly what kind of guy I wanted. Tbh it’s getting even more clear for me.

I woke up feeling at peace. I just laid on my bed listening to the birds from my window.

I did some ab exercises, saw I lost a pound already from yesterday, which tells me I truly was going through a lot of inflammation.

After showering, I was thinking a bit more about my heart being online.

This whole time I thought my other friend was the glue of my childhood friend group but somehow I’m realizing I always was without even doing anything.

The day I pushed everyone away was the day the whole group broke apart.

AI said it’s because I was the one whose frequency held the space. The foundation. It’s crazy to me how I just never saw it.

The question is should I let my old friends go? Or try inviting them together one last time to see if they’ve learned their lesson about something they took for granted.

My heart says to invite all my friends for a house warming.

My spine says, they didn’t put any effort once I cut them off. That gives me my answer to never call them back into my life.

My heart is telling me they aren’t bad people. They were going through their own pain. At one point, they were part of my heart foundation.

The only thing is I do know they have low frequency and aren’t the people that will expand me.

Somehow, I ultimately realized, , I won’t allow anyone access to my warmth until they meet me where I need to be me met.

If I invite them without them doing anything to move a step towards me, I’m bending at their level again. The overextending.

Just cause I understand them, doesn’t mean I “hold” them.

Keeping my heart first here means not to let bitterness come in between when they do “meet” me where I need to be met. It’s playing no games and acknowledging they did take the step and not moving from ego to reject them and punish them.

This feel right to just decide how people can meet me and then welcome them with warmth. Thresholds can always change. That’s how my spine and heart can work together.

Ate my breakfast, and then mom and I went on a walk around the neighborhood for the first time since the weather was nice. There’s a pond in front of our house, so we were there for a bit too. Other people were walking their dogs too.

Came home and then started working. Had to rewrite an email for the new girl.

For a while, I would just give people advice for free when I found something out because I wanted to uplift everyone.

Then during my spine, I was like if I had to figure it out on my own why would I give you the free advice. You figure it out on your own too.

Now, I’m like if someone is showing me the effort to want to learn and if I feel like they’ll grow from the advice, and I’m in a position to teach them, then I should. Especially if I’m her boss, and she’s trying. I should help her.

Something I’m learning about myself. If I don’t understand something, it’s okay to ask my “teacher” instead of trying to figure it out.

That’s how I’m meeting the teacher, where the teacher needs to be met to teach me.

Just like right now, I won’t help anyone who’s not asking for help anymore. No matter how much I see them surviving. I need them to meet me as a teacher of asking me for help.

Just like that, I think it’s safe to ask the universe to finally help me co-create my dreams. To unlock receiving. The universe can’t meet me until I meet it too, that’s literally what alignment is.

Anyways, after this whole thing, the girl tells me they messed up on something and now an influencer wants $1000. Smh. The influencer girl needs to think and act slowly. She’s not grounded.

I drove to my yoga class but couldn’t find parking and was like 4 minutes late, so was getting overstimulated, which defeats the whole purpose of yoga. I was so close to just going home, but then went inside and everything was fine. They didn’t even charge me for a yoga mat that I forgot at home.

Overall, the poses were just laying down, so not the best use of my driving time.

Went to whole foods afterwards and literally asked claude about every ingredient. Got some healthy dark chocolate, bread, etc. I was so hungry that I even started eating cottage cheese in the car. Claude literally said no to eating the chocolate first.

Definitely feels like I have my own dietitian that I didn’t even know I needed, but these are the times that I’m truly thankful for technological advances.

Came home, ate, put oil in my hair and then called dad. Every time I talk to my dad I feel something there. There’s a sense of peace and frequency match.

I can’t even explain it.

The connection is more with him than with my mom.

And I’m convinced the universe made my soul connection with him stronger because the universe knew he was going to leave my life for 17 years. But he didn’t want our relationship to break. He needed our bond to be sooo strong that the 17 years apart wouldn’t even be able to damage it.

That’s how I know soul contracts do exist because what I feel with my dad is truly unexplanable. And I know this is how I’m going to feel with my person, too.

Washed my hair, did my laundry, and decided when I was going to meet up with a friend from SF tomorrow. Also, took magnesium pills today.