3/18/26 - heart from mom, spine from dad, addressing sugar levels
After realizing that I basically got my spine from my dad and the ability to be born with financial responsibility, I started thinking about what I got from my mom.
And that was the ability to love, be warm. I basically got my heart from her. It came to me so naturally, that I always took it for granted. Now that I think about it, I’ve met very few people in my life that have the depth to love like I do. None of my exes even had that ability, maybe V but he got it from his mom too.
That’s how I was able to get into relationships so easily because I just had so much love. Now, I have a spine too.
Up until now, I thought of my heart as a disadvantage and that’s where the spine and guard came in. My dad has a spine but doesn’t have the ability to love like my mom and because of that he’s always alone, but he has respect and aura. Meanwhile, my mom always overextends herself, but she has people. She’s never alone.
Just thinking about all this made me so emotional and I started to cry. All this seems so obvious but it all finally hit. Especially the heart part. I didn’t realize how valuable what my mom gave me.
Part of me is still scared to give my heart, but I have to constantly remind myself that I got my spine on my own. It won’t just go away. Before, I literally had no spine. But this time, I literally worked in the dark for 2 years for it.
Idk what a version of me that has a heart and a spine looks like. I can’t even relate to the version of me anymore that gave her heart so freely. I can’t be her even if I tried. That’s how strong the spine is now.
I also think talking to my dad everyday is growing my heart again. Letting my mom be a mom is also allowing me to just be a daughter again.
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Woke up and the host for the event texted me if I had a minute to talk again. She’s officially getting on my nerves. Then she emailed me saying she could only do 4 tickets instead of 6.
Part of me wanted to get answer her right away just to get her over with but then I had to realize her anxiety was seeping into mine. If she didn’t care, would I feel the urgency to answer? And the answer is no. I only feel the urgency to answer because somehow I could read her energy.
So I need to come back to my own body. I need to answer at my own pace. I need to take space. Despite it bothering me, I decided I wasn’t going to answer her today. I didn’t care. I needed to find a way back to myself.
Showered and ate, and then started feeling a crash, so I talked to claude and found out the maple syrup in my chia seed pudding was adding to my crash too. So I walked 20 minutes and was able to worn it off. I started reaching out to billboard companies to start my billboard project.
I then had a egg and cheese and crossiant and that messed me up. I walked another 20 minutes and literally couldn’t keep it together. I ended up napping for 2 hours, and crashed so bad.
Woke up super dehydrated. These crashes have been happening a lot lately. And apparently I wake up dehydrated because my body has to fight the cortisol, so now that’s freaking me out. The fact that my body has to go into recovery or fight or flight more just because my carb tolerance is low and it drops my sugar levels. The way claude was explaining it made it seem like these crashes are definitely not normal.
Woke up, and got ready for my yin yoga class in glenview. Dropped of mom to the mandir before. The yoga class was super relaxing. Exactly what I needed. Then went to the mandir and prayed for a bit before closing.
Came home and ate dinner with mom, and then got another 20 minutes of steps in while talking to my dad.
Did my night gua sha routine, and decided to take my melotonin gummies. Also took a different set of supplements today.
I’m really hoping I could fix my sugar levels/energy with this new diet.
