3/4/26 - Grow myself not the company, thank you 6423

Last night, I saw a message from my boss where he basically said my employee has to ship her company laptop from India to the US at her own cost. Lmao like that makes so sense and his dumbass was like “I’m not changing policy”. But he fails to realize the time the contract was created was when everyone worked in the SF office. There was no shipping involved. More so there were no employees in India or a time of tarrifs. The fact that he failed to understand this simple concept, saw the only paper value, and did things from his ego almost reminded me again on how terrible of a boss he is. The environment is not right for me. He does things from his ego and has no clue what he’s doing. This environment shrinks me.

Until now, I was like I need to scale events first and then work on my billboard project. The same way last year I put my brand projects on hold to help fix the structure of the team and lifecycle. The outcome was nothing. It was a reminder for myself that I don’t need to grow the company. I need to grow myself. I need to leave.

But the one thing I really want to do before I leave is my times square billboard project. That’s my anchor, not these events. So I now need to fight a way asap to delegate these events by just giving strategy, and then move on to my billboard project. I need to put myself first.
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Woke up feeling anxious at 7am because the realtor still hadn’t sent the lease, and I didn’t know what to do, so I texted her asking. She said she was going to send it by today.

At first I thought maybe instead of being scared it wasn’t going to go through or it was going to be taken away from me, I needed to tell the universe that I trust it and I know it’s mine fully and that I’m not scared of losing it.

So then I started cleaning drawers, the shoe closet, my bathroom drawers, etc. I didn’t pack anything. Just cleaned it - this way I can just put it in bags and take it. Since it’s already organized.

That still didn’t ease my nervous system, so I took a nap again and woke up. Still nothing. So I thought maybe I needed to close my flood chapter. I was a bit traumatized to go to the vodka parm bakery again because the last time I went there was the day the flood happened. Got my sandwich and ate it in the car. It was good but didn’t hit like last time. Still didn’t feel at ease.

Came home and watched TV with my mom, ate some more of my sandwich, worked for a bit, and then rested for a bit. Couldn’t sleep again. Still didn’t feel at ease and still nothing.

Then decided that maybe I needed to take pictures of the house before we started officially moving, so did the dishes and cleaned the living room, including the under TV drawer. Still didn’t feel at ease and still nothing.

Went into my room and was too tired but realized maybe I need to write a letter to my house. I was supposed to do it yesterday but I don’t think a part of me was ready. I still didn’t think I was ready. I was almost procrastinating. Part of me just wanted to get it done, so I can get the lease sent over.

But realized that wouldn’t be the right way. So I decided to get my steps in. While I was walking that’s when I was able to finally process things and how much the house meant to me.

I realized the reason why I haven’t gotten the lease yet is because my soul isn’t ready to let go yet. My soul is still 90% in this house and 10% in the new house. It feels like my soul is clinging on to it’s dear life in this house, but then I slowly started processing and crying.

Right when I was about to go in the living room and write a letter, the realtor emailed the lease but there were still a bunch of things wrong/questions, so I had to text her and not sign it yet.

I got what I wanted, the lease. But in my heart I knew I still needed to grieve leaving. I kind of just didn’t know I needed to do this because I didn’t even do this while leaving my childhood home of 25 years. But it was important. I knew in my heart.

Slowly, I started writing a letter to every room in the house and was just sobbing my ass off. This house has just been sooo special to me. This is where I became Shalini. This house has held me, and no matter what I know it’ll have a special place in my heart. I had to let my soul leave this place.

And that’s when I finally felt better, at ease, and relieved. I took pictures and videos of the house too.

Now, I’m finally ready to sign the new lease and start packing. I told the house everything I wanted to tell it. Did everything I needed to do. I’m ready for a new beginning. My time here is over. I officially feel my soul 90% at the new house and 10% here now.

Curiosity - Doing everything to feel at ease

Joy - Saying goodbye to my house and thanking it for everything

Intuition - Saying this goodbye is exactly what I needed to do to close this chapter with clean energy

7/10 - I was super ungrounded today but felt so much better going to bed

Energy:
50% - getting a sandwich & figuring out ways to feel better
25% - cleaning
25% - saying goodbye to the home/this chapter