3/3/26 - Getting my shit together, getting a yes from the realtor
Woke up at 8am feeling this insane urge to get my shit together. Like my taxes, car insurance, finances, bills, etc. All the admin stuff I’ve basically been avoiding.
This morning was the lunar eclipse, so it makes sense. I genuinely kept wondering how it was going to hit my chart, and now I see it. It’s like less thinking, more doing energy.
My employee also messaged me about something she’s arguing with my boss about, and tbh I’m like really annoyed to be fighting her fight. Like, I don’t want to be in the middle of this anymore. In the grand scheme of things, I really don’t care. It’s not my problem. I already did what I needed to do.
But it does make things clear that I really need to get out of this work environment soon. Having him as a boss now is officially harming me more than helping me.
-
Anyways, I went back to sleep and surprisingly woke up from a text from the realtor saying the owner said yes! I KNEW IT. I knew that house was meant for me. The internal knowing was just so strong. Almost like anything I’ve ever experienced before, but I’m glad I did. I want to feel this sure about everything else in my life, too. My person, my next home, etc.
She called and also confirmed that having a dog in the future wouldn’t be a problem. Just waiting for the lease now. I’m still centered. I told myself that I still need the paperwork signed by the 5th for me to not pay this month’s rent. I would literally be moving by Sunday.
Washed my hair, worked for a bit, made coffee, and started looking at some moving companies. Then had to drive mom to her doctor’s appointment.
On the way back, had to fill up gas. I followed this cute influencer guy, who literally followed me back. Out of 65k followers. I was shook.
Throughout the day, my old survival identity was occasionally kicking in - what if something else bad happens, what if the house doesn’t go through, but I calmed myself and had to ease my nervous system several times. I had to tell my nervous system that I knew this house is for me, I was safe. No one talks about how hard it is to actually accept safe and good things in life when someone has been in survival mode their whole life. But this is the very moment I’ve been preparing for months, so I knew what to tell my nervous system. I knew I could feed it positive, good thoughts.
I felt super emotional to leave my current home. Idk why but I didn’t feel this for my childhood home. This home meant a lot to me - it’s where I rebuilt myself from scratch and their are parts of it that I love too. Like my spice drawer. It’ll always have a special place in my heart. My whole house was soooo peak survival with even bugs that I just couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I still don’t know what I’m going to wear to the eid party, so it’s slightly driving me crazy. Wait.. I might just do my green Eid outfit that I wore for my friend’s wedding.
I was supposed to write a goodbye letter to the home, but tbh I just don’t think I was ready. I was too tired. And I couldn’t even start packing. It just didn’t feel right. I almost wanted to have one last normal night in my home before the packing and everything started as a way to take it all in.
I tried watching a movie, but couldn’t focus, so then I tried going to bed early but couldn’t do that either. I started thinking about my 401k and roth and stuff, looking at moving companies, looking at flights and tickets for NY. I was basically all over the place with logistics.
I didn’t know where to stay but then it randomly hit me that I should stay at the place N and I broke up and stayed at. Something about that hotel as a imprint on my soul and needs to finish its loop.
Then I realized I do this and feel this all the time. There are certain places that I just know hold special energy. Like that one coffee shop in SF, some hotels, etc. It’s like multiple versions of my soul visit that place and that’s why it feels special. Claude things it cause I could see the unseen. Idk.
I deposited money into my Roth IRA but then freaked out because my 401k is roth too, and I thought they were the same thing and thought I was going to go past the contribution limit and get charged the penalty. But realized a 401k roth is different than a IRA roth. The more you learn. I also recently learned that you actually could withdraw the contribution amount anytime. This whole time I thought once you put it in it’s like locked up until 65 years, and that never really made sense to me. I’m getting better at learning about my finances, but don’t know what stocks to invest in right now since everything is just so high.
Curiosity - My investments, how to get all my shit together
Joy - Seeing the yes from the realtor
9/10 - Felt so relieved after seeing a yes from the realtor but was also feeling a bit of need to get shit together energy
Intuition - I need to say goodbye to my house
Energy:
50% - work
25% - getting the yes from the realtor
25% - planning and looking at everything in my life
