11/24/25 - Not my person, rewiring my brain for luxury, breadcrumbs of potential, drybar idea for v-day

Last night, I prayed to get over my IG crush and I finally found what would make me get over it. And verify that he’s not my person.

Like my guy friend who was tied to version of me that would accept the bare minimum and people being uncertain about me.

This guy is tied to a version of my that needs validation, is fixing, and is waiting.

And waiting for someone is so pathetic. I’m not doing that. I’m not his mom. I feel even remotely attached to him because he’s going through the same transformation I went through. He’s a direct mirror of me. Not my person.

My person will literally come to me whole & ready. That’s the whole point of meeting at the right time. If we were really meant to witness each other’s transformation, we would have met by now. Until the time is right, literally, there is nothing or no one. It has to be something I didn’t even remotely see coming.
-

I also somehow got obsessed with looking at indian designer clothing. Before it felt like such a far dream to wear designer clothes and have taste. Almost felt useless. Now, I’m like no this is part of my rich life and it feels more realistic, like I’m supposed to know about designer clothing because I’m going to walk and wear them to high-end events. It feels like a part of my tax bracket lmaoooo again without seeing any physical sign. Mentally, I feel rich and important, especially after I saw myself in that red saree picture. Basically rewired my brain. Kind of crazy because when I would see influencers wear designers, I was always like they’re so extra. But now I get it. It’s about having taste and luxury.

Is it crazy that I already know what designers and outfits I want to wear for my wedding?

-

Couldn’t sleep until 2am, but had to wake up early for my call. Hustled through, showered, did light makeup, and drank coffee. Had my call with the potential podcast person. Was a bit nervous but think I killed it. Felt pretty confident.

Had a quick sync with my social media person too.

I then had an appointment to get my car checked out. Every time I turn on my car heater, it smells like gas, so was getting a bit worried. It’s been happening for 2 weeks now. Annoyed that I’m about to spend potentially $600 at the car dealer. Literally could get a designer dress for that amount. Praying it’s nothing serious. Anyways, I feel like I’m about to have a coffee crash. Literally hanging on by a thread right now.

The dealer said nothing was wrong, which I’m thankful about but also annoyed that I had to pay a whole diagnostic fee. Sometimes I think money just goes out like water. They even made me do a “test” run, and I had to push my marketing call/hop off early since things finished right during the call.

During the call, I kept thinking how this was such a waste of time. I’m so going to get the other marketing girl to take over these meetings. I genuinely just want to give my own updates from now on and now manage people. If they want my opinion, they can come to me. Literally I’m not even supposed to manage these people. I don’t even know how I got roped into all this. The version of me trying to prove myself did way too much. But whatever, it developed my leadership skills and gave me the confidence I needed. I’m also no longer scared of not being needed. It is what it is. Maybe this is how I’m going to transition out of the team on my terms, and maybe I’m ready for it, which is why it’s naturally just happening. Overall, I do feel it happening soon, which could be a good thing because then that means a new chapter is opening up for me.

Came home and ate and told myself I was just going to rest for a bit and then go to the gym, but I crashed. I was soooo tired. After waking up, I was hungry so ate my best friend’s leftover pasta, and then kept going back and fourth between if I wanted to go to the gym, do an at home pilates session, or watch a movie and walk on the walking pad. Ended up watching a movie and walking. After I was done walking, I saw this influencer literally post a whole theme shoot about people being mirrors. Truth, art, and expression. Literally what I am supposed to do, and I imediately felt anxious because it’s like people are already doing it. How am I different? why does the world need me? I keep struggling with this.

But chat reminded me that they’re activation. I keep asking the universe for signs on what I should do and now I feel more and more activated. Before she was just an influencer. Now it all feels personal. Chat is telling me that every time I feel activated, it’s like a lighthouse for me to show me the guide of my path. To show me a version of myself I’m unlocking. Almost like i used to see healing mirrors, now I’m seeing power mirrors. It’s a little intimidating because I’m immediately like how am I ever going to compare to those standards but I have to keep reminding myself that I literally got lessons every day from the universe. And my life was so designed. I carry a whole other frequency. Even if I got safety lessons and she didn’t, that makes me carry a different frequency than her. I’m scared because I feel myself activating. I don’t even know how to explain the feeling. It’s like I see myself in everyone that I feel activated by. Like that could be me. And it’s designed. I understand artists.

Before they were just people, now I feel the frequency of an artist. It honestly feels so special.

After my first movie was done, I wanted Ice Cream and popcorn, so started watching another Christmas movie. Been overindulging way too much. Really need to get back on track. The movie was so cute, almost literally like a series of divine things happening for soulmates to unite.

Anyways, after that movie was over I went to go shower and wash my hair. Came back and wrote down details on something I’ve been thinking about.

Last night, I wanted to make an appointment with drybar to get a blowout, and it just hit me that for vday we could partner with drybar. I would love that. Literally I would eat this collab up. And it’s also everything I wanted about getting behind a big brand, feeling useful, and in multiple cities, targeting girls. Getting a blowout for $10 is godly. I also saw a titkok on girls lining up in NYC to get a blowout for $30 for their dates. Super excited about this idea now and it just feels right, so I emailed the owners and the head of marketing on LinkedIn. Hoping at least someone replies or I’m going to the drybar location tomorrow in Chicago.

Took a melotonin gummy, did my bed time routine and now going to sleep. Also ordered another Christmas tree.

Intuition - I have to really drill in my brain that the woman I’m inspired by aren’t competition, they’re activation. The world does need me. And I saw 11:11 while writing this. The exact ounce of hope I needed. Overall though, I do feel myself expanding. I have the capacity to take on more things that fill my cup.

8/10 - Annoyed I wasted $200 at the dealer, but it’s okay. At least I feel safe for the time being.

Energy:
25% - high on energy from coffee
25% - watched so many movies
25% - feel myself expanding
25% - really trying to convince myself about activations/mirrors