11/25/25 - People who activate me, fear of expansion
Up until now, every time I saw someone on IG who carried something I wanted, I would be overwhelmed and intimidated. But it finally clicked that these people are meant to activate me, almost like lighthouses on what my path is. Just like how I’m meant to activate what’s dormant in other people.
People who activate me:
H - silent power, mysterious
R - audacity, words, signature style
H - grounded, truth, wisdom, art
G - overflow, authenticity
Priyanka Chopra - beauty, aura, charisma, presence, fun
Deepika Padukone - calm but powerful presence, embodiment
A - stillness (she’s just existing), magnetic (looks like she’s attracting things with ease)
P - luxury
R - relatable, real-life inspo
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On another note, I kept thinking that the new girl I hired would maybe bring new ideas or give me a new perspective, so I openly extended her an invitation to collaborate.
Almost like the time I worked with the NYC top photographer in 2024, I was like maybe he could bring new poses or ideas, but no I ended up doing the work.
Every time I try to source my vision and try to collaborate, it never works. Even if they’re experts in the field.
Finally coming to terms that people can only be doers in my life. Accepting they can’t be thinkers in my vison/projects. It just add noise. At least for the time being.
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I also started wondering how I/my body would feel going viral for the right thing?
I’ve gotten viral for the wrong thing before and I kept checking the numbers on it. Deep down, I also knew this wasn’t what I wanted to be famous for. It didn’t feel aligned.
I feel like going viral for the right thing and getting followers will feel like “I’m finally discovered,” something I’ve been waiting for all my life.
And I think my body/nervous system is a little scared of that unknown feeling so it’s creating a bit of a resistance. Almost like I’m in a shell and I’ll see sunlight for the first time and I’m going in and out of my shell cause I’m scared. But sunlight is where I’m supposed to be.
The fear is coming from expansion. I’m going from my shell as being home to now a whole floor. Lmao thinking of bikini bottom.
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I also saw a random tiktok of all the things entrepreneurs learn. It’s kind of crazy how normal people start a business and then learn that keeping someone else on their team to be the “doers” is important to conserve their own creative energy. But I’ve already learned that. I’ve been learning everything about entreprenurish while not even being one.
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For my best friend, I’ve been feeling like a second choice, and out of nowhere, I decided I’m down with that energy. I need someone to be present with me. I realized she makes me anxious because I feel like I have to make sure she’s having a good time, and I am no longer about that life. Until now, I feel like I was gaslighting myself about it. But no. The excitement is not normal; it’s forcing myself to entertain.
Anyone I’m not super chill with is a problem for me at this moment, and just feels like too much because it feels like they disregulate my nervous system.
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If feels like everyone is getting their happy ending right now but that just might be created from the illusion of me being in the frequency.
Almost like in a neighborhood school, you’re the smartest. And when you go to Yale everyone is smart. The only way you can grow is by listening to your inner self and frequency and direction.
That doesn’t mean everyone at Yale isn’t special. They’re still special in a different environment.
Also crazy how technically I got hotter a while ago and have been weight stable for 6 months, but people are finally noticing me. Because my frequency finally rose and people can feel that.
More people from the past started following me. It’s like they can smell the upgrade.
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Also still have a crush on my IG crush. His eyes just look so genuine. He has an aura to him too, almost like he’s lived through everything and made it out too. I can feel the embodiment.
Anyways, went to the mandir with mom, watched another Christmas movie and got hungry at 12am so ate after fasting.
Intuition - The people that I feel drawn to are here to show me my own potential.
8/10 - A good amount of reflection today
Energy:
100% - reflecting on activation/visibility
