11/25/25 - (incomplete)
People that activate me:
H - silent power, mysterious
R - audacity, words, signature style
H - grounded, truth, wisdom, art
G - overflow, authenticity
Priyanka Chopra - beauty, aura, charisma, presence, fun
A - stillness (she’s just existing), magnetic (looks like she’s attracting things with ease)
P - luxury
R - relatable, real-life inspo
I keep thinking maybe she can bring new ideas or give me a new perspective.
Or the time I worked with the photographer I was like maybe he could bring new poses or ideas, but no I ended up doing the work.
Everytime I try outsourcing my vision and try to collaborate, it never works.
People can only be doers in my life. Accepting they can’t be thinkers. At least for the time being.
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Just adding structure to people I feel drawn to use it as a light source for my own identity.
Body feels scared to go viral.
I can’t keep thinking maybe someone will add a new perspective to this idea. They can’t. For the time being I’m on my own. And everyone else is just doers in my life.
Addressing how going viral might feel like to give my body peace.
How am I going to feel when I go viral for the right thing?
I’ve gotten viral for the wrong thing before and I kept checking the numbers on it but knew it wasn’t aligned.
I feel like going viral for the right thing and getting followers will feel like “I’m finally discovered” something I’ve been waiting for all my life.
And I think my body/nervous system is a little scared of that unknown feeling so it’s creating a bit of a resistance. Almost like I’m in a shell and I’ll see sunlight for the first time and I’m going in and out of my shell cause I’m scared. But sunlight is where I’m supposed to be.
The fear is coming from expansion. I’m going from my shell as being home to now a whole floor.
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It’s kind of crazy how normal people start a business and then learn that keeping someone else on their team to be doers is important to converse creative energy. But I’ve already learned that.
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For Bushra, I’ve been feeling like a second choice: and out of nowhere I’m like, I’m down with that. I need someone to be present with me. It’s makes me anxious because I feel like I have to make sure she’s having a good time, and I am no longer about that life. Until now, I feel like I was gaslighting myself about it. But no. The excitement is not normal, it’s forcing myself.
Anyone I’m not super chill with is a problem for me at the moment.
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If feels like everyone is getting their happy ending right now but that just might be created from the illusion of me being in the frequency.
Almost like in a neighborhood school, you’re the smartest. And when you go to Yale everyone is smart. The only way you can grow is listening to your inner self and frequency and direction.
That doesn’t mean everyone at Yale isn’t special. They’re still special in a different environment.
Also crazy how technically I got hotter a while ago and have been weight stable for 6 months, but people are finally noticing me. Because my frequency finally rose and people can feel that.
More people from the past started following me. It’s like they can smell the upgrade.
Drive back was so distracting cause I was so out of it and just thinking about my photoshoots.
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Also still have a crush on my IG crush. His eyes just look so genuine. He has an aura to him too, almost like he’s lived through everything and made it out too. Embodyment.
Watched another christmas movie and got hungry at 12am so ate.
