11/26/25 - Becoming a presense at work
Woke up feeling super ungrounded and a bit scared. My mom said something to me yesterday and I felt the fear come back in my body. Something I thought I was over, but it was still there.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do to restore myself. Go to a workout class, eat, clean, work..etc. Decided to just get up, cleaned my room a bit, put my bedsheets in the washer, put luxury hotel music on as background music, lit a candle, took a shower, prayed, made coffee, and toast and jam and then started to work. Felt like I wanted to get a couple of things done and then go to the gym.
As soon as I started working, the new girl started slacking me about updates on her compensation situation, which was kind of pissing me off. Part of me was like I worked for way less, for way longer, so Idk If I think they’re not patient or if I’m mad that I did for less, but I also got more.. so idk.
Anyways, also had a sync with the other girl on my team to tell her I was handing off managing duties to her. I can sense my time coming to an end in the next year and it’s honestly perfect, it feels like a clean transition. I’m letting go of my duties of “feeling needed”, and it’s scary. I felt scared doing it because until now I was confident that I was irreplaceable, but I need to understand I still am. If anything I’m more irreplaceable than ever because I’m happy and I’m creating magic. Before I was just clinging on to feeling needed, but I was always praised for the work I did on my own projects. Those were things I was most proud of too. The managing part was overextending, but I will say I learned a lot, so I don’t regret it. Feel like it was a part of the plan.
Now, I’m learning presence at work too. I’m done proving myself. It’s still a work in progress though. I think I feel what my best friend feels in our friend group. All of this feels from alignment, even when I do leave, I’ve already been thinking about this for years. But also now I get to do my projects from a place of ease instead of caring and performing to add value.
Also had a meeting with my boss and lmao I was soo judging him to the point he was getting defensive. I can tell I hit a nerve, but I didn’t care. I feel like he could feel my fire.
I’m also at a point where I just can’t anymore. I refuse to overwork. Answer useless people. I don’t feel guilty anymore cause my body just can’t. It’s becoming a part of my DNA.
After all this, made some eggs, and ate last night’s mandir leftovers. Then wanted to get some more work done, but made a shopping list for black friday instead.
Went to the gym at 6, somehow made it leg day with stairs, squats, leg curls, free weights, etc. I’ve been focusing on my core and the visual I have in mind when working out now is being “sturdy”, taking each step carefully. I want to get physically anchored. Also the gym is becoming more and more important to me now. I saw this girl from college post her transformation, and it’s been motivating me too.
While I was at the gym, I couldn’t help but see a picture of myself from June 2024. The person I was back then to the person I am now is crazy. I am who I’ve always wanted to be, and I’m so proud of myself. The fact that I have every single day of this whole journey documented feels even more special. I have the “how” all written.
After the gym, went to a new yoga class by my house. It was sound bath too, but I was too hungry and kept thinking about food. Was way too distracted.
I didn’t want to get rid of my gains but at the same time I convinced myself I need food to feel grounded. Got a taco bell bean and cheese burrito on my way home to share with mom, and ate some other leftover indian food.
Ate, drank tea, and watched the new episode of Stranger Things.
Intuition - My life is definitely changing for the better. I feel everything in my bones at this point.
8/10 - Felt a little rocky in the morning but I feel like I did a really good grounded routine.
Energy:
25% - grounded routine + reset
25% - changing the flow at work
25% - gym/yoga
25% - triggering my boss
