11/18/25 - Trusting my vision over the noise, doing whatever I want to do as long as I’m grounded
Last night:
Having a whole meltdown last night, but can’t even cry. Everything just feels so hard, nothing is just flowing. It makes me wonder if I’m even supposed to be doing the photoshoot right now. Like why is it so hard to just pick the saree, order it, and do the rest of the things for it. Why do I have such decision paralysis? It’s not flowing, but I also can’t stop thinking about it. I’m trying to sync with my body but my body wants to “do”. It doesn’t feel like slowing down or resting. Like I want to just spend my time looking for different red sarees. I can’t help but work on it, so why all the tension then.
Feeling confused. Waiting for a flow state of things to just come together naturally, but it’s not happening, so I’m annoyed.
I need to wake up and go to the gym. But I always wake up so tired and I’m just always cranky.
I want my dreams to start coming true. I want my content to hit.
I’m getting more and more jealous and frustrated. Reva, Priyanka Chopra, Hiba. I almost want to be them, but also not really.
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Then I did something that literally changed my whole perspective. I chatgpted an image with me with the look. AND I LOOK SOOOO GOOD! I was astonished. I knew it. I knew I wanted the green necklace with the red net saree. I knew it all along and it just hit when I saw the picture. I saw my whole vision come to the picture. I was just so mesmerized. I saw everything I liked about the other woman in me. Like it’s been inside of me all along and that version of me has it all.
I feel like that’s what I needed to cut out all the noise and just trust my vision.
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Had a dream about moving rooms with more space. Woke up to a house I might like in Glenview. Feels very charming.
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I feel like I’m learning how to think like a rich person. Like I’m okay hosting events fro work and working hard to do the work beforehand, but I will not leak my energy and run around looking crazy the day of. I will look like I own the event. Hosting as the gravity not staff.
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Did my marketing call, then had a call with my employee. Realized she applied to an ambassador program 5 years ago while I was on the call with her, so it almost felt like a full circle for her. I’m still not talking to my mom.
A hot guy followed me on IG, and for the first time I was so grounded about it. I didn’t even flinch or envision myself with him or try to figure out his story. I told myself that this is now going to be normal. I’m hot, so why wouldn’t hot guy follow me. I can’t just melt and lose groundedness. My person will pursue me first in an intentional way. None of this behavior. Plus this guy looks like an f boy. I didn’t even follow him back. And I’m so proud of myself.
After debating if I should do a home workout, I decided to go to the gym. The whole time at the gym I was imaging my red saree outfit and just imagining me study. That’s why I want to get into lifting again to almost be anchored. Chatgpt also told me I should stop walking for anxiety and more so imagine myself like a giant walking to for more groundedness. Went to kholhs after and sephora, but got annoyed at the system in the khols sephora cause they couldn’t do a simple return.
My boss messaged when I got home asking for a marketing plan and that gave me anxiety because it kind of still reveals that I’m scared of him. And I don’t like that feeling. It brings me back to a place of feeling scared that I’m going to lose my job, not at all grounded.
I ended up doing some work to help ease the anxiety a bit, and then finally ordered my red saree for the photoshoot now that I was 100% sure I was going to trust my vision over the chatgpt suggestion.
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Also at some point yesterday after my melt down on being confused on what I should do for my personal projects. I don’t just have to do photoshoots or tiktoks or whatever. I can do whatever I want to do as long as I’m retaining my power, staying grounded, and not seeking validation. I’m meant to do different things actually that’s why I feel a want for them in the first place.
Because the key to my success is literally presence, not what exactly I’m doing. Like Priyanka Chopra. She’s not just a model or actor or curator. She’s a presence.
I don’t have to stick to one lane to figure it all out.
Intuition - I felt like I saw a whole new version of myself. Trusting my visions as direction and seeing myself as a state of being, a presence. Not labeling myself as something.
8/10 - Still feel razzled but I still see things progressing behind the scenes.
Energy:
25% - excited about my project
25% - work
25%- gym
25% - easing my work anxiety
