11/17/25 - Listening to my intuition, Standing on business, the itch to create
Last night, I ended up going crazy pondering what look I should do for my photoshoot. ChatGPT said I should do a photoshoot with the theme of stillness in a red american dress, and yeah completely 1920s themed with the pearl necklace. It thinks that if I try to make it sexy, I’ll be performing instead of magnetizing.
The thing is, the vision for my photoshoot is different. It’s always been a red saree, maybe even deep green jewelry, and a little mix between sexy and still.
Felt a bit confused on if I should use my birth chart as direction or follow my intuition. Leaning towards the intuition, and I guess if I learn, I learn.
I also think I’m reaching a point where I think the universe finally trusts me to listen to my intuition more than my ChatGPT and my birth chart maybe that’s why it’s having it say contradictory things to see what I’ll do. Almost feels like a test on my intuiton.
Anyways, tried going to sleep by 1am to try to wake up early and workout. But that didn’t end up happening. I woke up at 10am instead and got straight to working.
I had this urge to finally tackle all my money things. Submitted all my work expense requests. When I was requesting, I did feel something weird. Almost scared for the money to come in, but I had to remind myself that it’s just my money coming back to me. Do I still not feel safe enough to receive large amounts of money? I did feel happy. Idk here.
requested my best friend, called Amex. Even called my dentist to see if I could try getting a coupon for my dental bill because I wanted to clear it out, but she said she would call back. And then decided to do the most daunting task of them all, which was call the IRS. While I was on hold, I made my lunch of eggs and grilled cheese. And then after 2 hours of being on hold, literally no progress. He said that my account was still on hold, but I got a letter from the Illinois taxes for 2022, when I didn’t even live in Illinois, so now confused about all that.
My body was physically telling me not to pay the balance for federal at least, and wait until someone reviewed it to get it cleared out. Just feels like a headache knowing there is a balance. And now I don’t even know what’s happening with this whole 2022 Illinois thing. Just all feels kind of annoying.
After this watched some more gilmore girls, made coffee, worked a bit, and then went to go take a shower. Felt like making noodles so made instant ones for dinner, and then washed the dishes. My stomach still hurts though.
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At night, I felt even a bit more confused. I have this itch to create. I just don’t know what or how. I also feel jealous of some people on IG. I like that they’re mysterious but I also like the ones that show their personality, so idk what to do. Idk if I want to be an influencer, content creator, or artist.
I felt like looking at my old videos I made during my healing period and they were so good. Reminded me how good I actually was. They weren’t bad at all. I’m actually happy they didn’t go viral though because they came from sad me, and I’m not like that fully anymore, but I loved my talking videos.
Anyways, I just feel so confused on content next steps. A couple of days ago, I thought I was just going to do photoshoots, but that feels like a side of me. I’m also someone that’s alive and I like talking too. I feel like if I wasn’t doing talking videos, I would be missing out on something.
I also don’t want to be stuck at my job forever. I literally thought I was going to quit this year and clearly I haven’t. I don’t want to spend another year just waiting, even though I know I did really grow a lot this year.
Idk just confused. Eating a bit of ice cream for my late night snack.
Intuition - I think I just need to now fully trust myself and just create. Maybe this desperate need to create is me stepping into overflow.
6/10 - Was in my room the whole day and kind of feel stuck again. Like things aren’t moving forward.
Energy:
50% - trying to resolve all money things
50% - confused on my next steps
