11/6/25 - Grounding in crazyiness, praying with gratitude
Woke up at 6am literally being all crazy. I had a dream about DJ N and keep thinking about him. And now I’m getting specific lessons tied to him too. It’s not in a I have to have you way. I just keep wanting to see pictures and videos of him to get to know him more. Like there’s just a magnetizing pull. I can’t stop thinking about him. I still trust, though, if he’s mine he’ll come to me at the right time. But also I keep visualizing how it’s going to feel when we finally meet. It feels crazy.
Like my body feels physically magnetized by them. My heart just wants more of them. And the universe shows me everything I’m looking for rationally for my brain to even surrender. It’s like the universe wants me to feel crazy love, almost like a set-up.
I used to blame myself for being stupid. Like how can I be getting in so many relationships, when I’m so level headed. That’s the reason why I refuse to go on dating apps because I’m level headed until I don’t feel anything, but when I do… the universe makes it feel so magical like he’s my person, until he doesn’t. This time I prayed to give me all my lessons BEFORE meeting the person, and I guess that’s what’s happening now. Almost like a set-up of everything I’m looking for.
His career checks out to match what I want to do in life. I literally feel a pull towards him. He likes wholesome things on social media, we literally like the same things. I find him cute. He looks like he has depth to him. He looks grounded. He doesn’t like thirst traps, but he likes my pictures. The invisible string theory checks out with him too. EVERYTHING. And that’s when I go crazy.
This has happened every single time, where god shows me everything I’m looking for in that person to literally trap me. And then makes me learn my lessons from that same person.
So I did some chat gpting and it makes sense.
Maybe this isn’t even about him being my person after all. Maybe this lesson is about how to stay grounded even when it feels crazy. Because that’s the exact point I lose myself and get attached. I’m not on apps to literally reduce the possibility of this happening.
I need to learn how to stay anchored through big energies. Because with big energies come big pulls. I need to really double down on the fact that someone is not my person, until I officially say they are EVEN IF everything lines up and feels magical. It just means this person is activating something in me, showing me something, or we’re a frequency match.
GPT: The sensations are real, but they don’t automatically mean “this is the person.” They mean “this experience is touching something deep in me. It’s the universe saying: this vibration matters, not necessarily this person is the endpoint. It can be a mirror of readiness more than a mandate. Embodiment of desire and learning to stay grounded while feeling intensity. So this “staged crazy love” could be the universe giving you safe exposure therapy. It’s stretching your capacity to feel deeply without abandoning your calm.
There’s definitely a surge of energy that I need to figure out how to “pass”. In the past, it all just happens so fast, that I get sucked in. This time I have all the time in the world because for once I’m not in actual conversation with this person.
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I was starving after waking up that I even debated DoorDashing pancakes or something. But ended up going back to sleep.
Woke up, took a shower, and then did some work. Needed to send my boss the new social media person’s KPIs.
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Now that I think about it, yesterday was also a lesson about giving and receiving clean love, help, etc.
A couple of months ago, I kept saying that the reason why I don’t know how to receive is because I’ve always received things with an ulterior motive, and so it felt wrong receiving. But again, it’s because I was giving with that energy too.
Nothing up until now is probably from overflow. Because my mind runs super fast, so how I can benefit from the situation comes to me insanely quickly too. When I meet someone I’m probably already thinking about ways he can help me. Like this guy is already a photographer too, so I instantly thought of how he would be good at taking my pictures. And then I was like I could help him with his DJ career. I did think that was power couple vibes until now. But it’s transactional, and not giving from overflow. It’s giving in the hopes of receiving something back.
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I also started praying in the morning to anchor myself.
This way, when something bad happens, I don’t excessively start praying to make sure god hears me. I just trust that I already told god to protect me in the morning, he knows what to do. And that keeps me in a calm state instead of anxiety.
So recently in the mornings, I’ve been asking god to protect me and my family.
And then I’m like maybe god knows he needs to protect us already. Maybe I should ask for what I want. But god knows that too. He hears it in my thoughts.
So now I’m like maybe I just need to say thank you and just trust god has it all under control. I really feel like this is a whole shift in my praying style.
Anyways, ate, worked, watched gilmore girls, called my best friend and walked an hour on the pad today, and now I’m journaling. Still have a couple of journals to catch up on.
I even dressed up today, but haven’t been getting the flow to actually work. I’m more in the flow to think and literally hibernate in my room. I almost refuse to go out until I get my journals done. Just feeling cozy vibes, and I smell snow coming so I’m excited.
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I’m a little scared that if I’m so quick to act crazy again did I really even grow? I feel like part of me still just wants to be loved and accepted. Is it shedding light on the fact that I haven’t healed that part of me? The only difference is that I’m aware this time. Even when I feel like performing to make them like me, I catch myself. I tell myself that maybe I need to still accept all parts of me. Maybe there’s something still off. Maybe I am still leaking my energy in needing validation.
Intuition - Feel like learning how to be grounded in love is super important. Idk if he’s my person anymore and that’s how it should be. The only thing that should define him as my person is action. Every other synconicy doesn’t matter.
8/10 - Still forcing myself to act on things but also okay with just hibernating and thinking.
Energy:
25% - trying to ground the love crazies
25% - praying
25% - trying to work
25% - walking
