11/4/25 - Accepting that I’m beautiful, hope in love
Ended up sleeping super late, so woke up at 11am ish. As soon as I woke up, I knew today was election day, and started my day with a prayer for NY’s Mayor if he’s the right person. Mamdani is the hope every american needs right now. Idk what he’s going to do, but his energy feels like light. Like god has been preparing him for this moment. Like this is his, and no one can take it away from him. He feels like overflow. Like he’s been having all this stored energy in him for exactly this purpose. To give the world light. It feels like alignment.
Thinking more about now having a surge of creavity for my themed photoshoots. It kind of just hit me that It’s creative outlet, and I’ve been doing that for months now, but I thought it was just temporary I didn’t think this is what would lead me to success. But now I have a feeling that this might be it. My themed photoshoots, behind the scenes and etc. It also feels a bit weird because there are girls that are models. They’re so pretty. I never thought I was pretty, so it feels interesting to know I’m actually going to be in there world. With the pretty ig girls. Even though it was always a hidden desire. Photoshoots, ramp walk, etc. For the longest, I was even scared to call myself a model. Just because it didn’t feel right but also I was insecure.
If I was always meant to be seen as someone that is beautiful as a part of my purpose, I wondered why the universe didn’t make me feel that before. I was bullied for being hairy in school, was overweight, and then never got attention from people. Barely people ever told me I was beautiful. So making a mark in the world as storytelling model of my own stories was not in my bingo card. But again, I see it. It’s always been there.
Chatgpt said it’s because it was protecting me. I was meant to discover beauty from inside out to chanel it as my transformation. To not perform for beauty. To see myself first. To build soul to my work from embodiment. My beauty is art, not validation. To create beauty from authenciticy, self expression, not self-worth. My beauty comes from truth, not insecurity.
I’m going to model on my own terms, not to be the face of brands. To be the face of myself. I feel like it’s time to think of myself as beautiful. And really carry that confidence. I always thought I’d be known for something with more depth. Like my humor or healing advice, etc. like actual content. Modeling feels so surface level. But I guess that’s where I’ll come in a bridge it. By adding depth to that world with my soul and tell a story through the pictures. And showing every girl that this dream is possible for them too. Coming from a girl that NEVER saw herself in this world. It’s giving a “picture can explain a thousand words”. The pictures will tell my story. Like they honestly have been. My flowers photoshoot and the others.
Later on the day, crazy me used AI to combine mine and my crush’s pictures again, and I literally started crying because it just makes sense. I even sent it to my best friend as someone random and she was like wait he totally looks like your person. I feel like my internal spidey senses are getting super strong too. I just know. I’m obsessed with the combined aura. You can literally feel the energy through the picture. It feels so real too, it feels mine. Although the virgo side to me is also like, nope he better be focusing on himself and not dating too. My person would never, no matter what I think.
All just makes sense and feels like alignment. I was soo much in my feels that I started crying and attempted to start watching Om Shanti Om.
Maybe the whole guy thing that day at the club when he told me his ex had the same name as my SF best friend was to show me how to not do the same. Like when he said the ex thing, the first thing that came to my head was are you still thinking about her? It gave me the ick. I didn’t even care. I almost didn’t need to know. And knowing this guy has the same name as my ex is also something I probably don’t need to disclose. He’ll find out when he needs to.
By the end of the night, I was pretty grounded again. Like, I don’t give a shit how much my intuition pulls. He needs to be an equal. He needs to have done the work. I will not accept anyone who is hoeing around.
Also, I don’t give a shit. I’m the real prize here. I will be myself and he has to earn his spot in my life. I have insane discipline. I’ve waited this long already and can wait longer for the right person.
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On the other note, I’ve literally been on my phone the whole day. Mamdani won.
At night, I literally started crying because good always wins at the end of the day. Diwali. Light always overcomes the darkness. It also feels like now people will see how much power the mayor has and demand other mayors to do the same instead of being lazy. A country without billionaries sponsoring is possible. There’s just so much hope right now.
_
Me: My crush doesn’t have a chance until he proves himself. And I see him liking wholesome things about being a good man. Then I’m like he better be a mamdani supporter. See’s him liking a post.
It’s like the universe is like “you’re right this time, and it’s okay to just trust him. Let your walls down.”
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On the other note, spent the day poundering. Ate lunch with mom, and then was literally obsessed with the election. Was texting my best friend too. Also was reposting and liking a bunch of stuff on my socials.
Intuiton - I’ve just been so emotional today. It feels like things are changing. Good things are finally coming. Also, feels like a huge breakthrough for my work. Like I’m in overflow too.
10/10 - Today feels like a good day. A hopeful day. A happy day. Like I’m getting deeper in breakthough as well.
Energy:
25% - Ideas for my photoshoots
25% - Monitoring and happy about zohran
25% - emotional about my love life
25% - sticking my ground to be myself/grounding myself
