10/30/25 - No longer scared to say my dreams out loud
The edible literally hit as soon as I got to the hotel last night lmao, so I ended up just watching Gilmore Girls, eating my leftover burrito, and zoning out. I was so exhausted, to the point, I literally fell asleep with all the lights on and woke up high.
After chilling for a bit, I realized we had a meeting with the parent company today, so I rushed out. Worked on my branding presentation really quickly by adding some random numbers. Tbh I’m beginning to realize that if I really don’t feel like doing something, it’s not cause I’m lazy, it’s literally because I don’t need to it. The presentation was good with where it was at, he actually wasn’t looking for any crazy numbers, so I’m glad I didn’t spend much time on it.
When we were at lunch, my boss asked me what I’ve been up to to start small talk, and literally without shame I said creative photoshoots. And he’s like yeah but what else. I’m like they’re actually a lot of work. And then he pulls up his IG to show me when he was trying to model a couple of years ago. I already knew this but I’m pretty sure this was his attempt to try to save the convo since he could sense that he was offending me. And then he was like “it felt like a waste of time/didn’t go anywhere because there’s nothing I could do with it”. I immediately shut him off and said for me it’s not about the modeling, it’s about the creative direction. It’s a creative outlet for me and I already do it for work, so it’s not a completely different direction for me. It actually matches with my line of work. I don’t really care about modeling for other companies. I care about bringing my visions to life.” He was basically projecting his insecurities through small talk, and I was proud of myself because my answer was confident with truth. His stuff didn’t have soul. Mine does. So people’s own insecurity projections don’t even make a dent in my confidence cause I can see right through them.
I did end up having a conversation about him being a dad that was wholesome. I have a feeling he wants to talk to me about it. Like I ask one thing and he kind of trauma dumps about how it’s been hard on him and how him and his wife were trying for so long to the point he can’t believe it happened and he’s an actual dad.
After lunch, the new social media person and I posted pictures from the event. I was kind of anal about the pictures I wanted, so I literally went though them again.
She left and then I was trying to figure out what pictures I needed to post. I just had wayyy to many options and my best friend said it was too much, so I was getting a bit overwelhmed about it. I finally just realized to go with my gut and literally decided on pictures I liked/felt a pull. I stopped worrying about creating the perfect carousel.
Before leaving for happy hour, I had a whole conversation about influencing with my coworkers. Lmao this time I didn’t give a shit. I straight up said the day I’m famous is the day I’m gone, and told my coworker that his girlfriend just needs a manager because she can really monetize her social media. One of my capricorn coworkers were like I would accept smaller deals at first, and I said no. You sell yourself short. I was so passinate about it, and like they just don’t carry that abundance mindset. I could feel their own fears hindering their full potential.
Afterwards, we left for happy hour, but I still needed to find the right song to match the post. I was still determined to get my pictures posted because I wanted to post my Halloween pictures tomorrow, so today just felt like the last day to really get these pictures out. We didn’t end up drinking because we had dinner reservations to make.
In the uber, I finally posted and showed my coworkers. This time I was very not chill about it. I was literally getting them to see it. Even at the restaurant, I got my other coworkers to see it. Proud of it.
At dinner we ordered sooooo much food. The truffle noodles were the best. I would literally go back for them. I was trying to get not anal about the situation, but I knew they were ordering too much food. Part of me still struggles with not saying anything when I see stuff happening. I just feel it. We ended up packing the leftovers for homeless people.
Anyways, after dinner most of us decided to walk home to burn off the food. I was supposed to have a meeting with that one guy from my parent company, but he was too tired, so we ended up having a casual conversation on the way back with my other coworker.
As soon as I got to the hotel, I literally knocked out. Was so tired.
Intuition - My confidence in saying my dreams out loud is definitely growing. At one point, I was scared of these same people judging me, and now I’m proudly saying it to them. I literally was scared they were going to think I was trying to be an influencer, and now I’m literally like yeah I like doing photoshoots and will quit.
8/10 - Felt like a fast but crazy day. Didn’t really feel grounded.
Energy:
50% - posting pictures for work and my gram
25% - proudly talking about my dream
25% - social chats
