10/29/25 - Overflow integration or really anchoring?
I was soo tired last night that I immediately went to bed and woke up thinking maybe it wasn’t a bad thing that I was super ungrounded yesterday, maybe I was supposed to just wake up grounded so I know how it feels like, and now I’m supposed to reverse back to really get myself to a calm and anchored state immediately. Because when it happened for 2 days, I honestly don’t even know how I did it. I was just somehow super calm everywhere I went.
Now, I know if I did it once, I can definitely do that everywhere and hold on for a longer time too.
In the morning, instead of stressing about my journals or things I needed to do, I just did things that made me happy. I watched Gilmore Girls to decompress.
I was also running late again, but said f it. It is what it is and got ready while listening to music. I couldn’t find my sleek back bun brush for the longest, but then found it when I was just calm.
Got to work, and literally no one was there yet, which proves my point that there’s no point about rushing and stressing.
I have so much to do that I decided that I was just going to get in my flow and do my own thing the whole day. Need to really zone in.
Randomly, I felt like talking, and started telling my other new coworker about my favorite places in SF. I did feel like I was talking a bit way too much, so then I went to the couch and put my headphones on.
This kind of confused me a bit because it’s almost like there was an overflow of energy. Like I was just so excited to talk, and I also feel like that’s what happened yesterday too. I just couldn’t keep it in me and had to talk.
Idk if I’m regressing and forgetting to just be still and shut up to stay anchored? or if I’m in my overflow energy and me “talking” and then pulling back is me learning how to integrate and keep the overflow from running out by “recharging” again.
We went to lunch and again I felt like talking but was not still. The worse part is I know the second after I talk too much. Even during lunch or my meeting with the new girl, I was over-explaining.
Tbh I kind of feel a bit in distress. Like I am not chill right now. I just want to talk, and notice. Feeling a bit frustrated too.
But the weird part is I don’t really feel drained? But at the same time I don’t feel mysterious or in my power either. And I keep doing it too. I’m almost trusting that if I keep doing it without control, maybe I am just meant to talk today.
Even somehow joked about my crush. But idk if I’m trying too hard or performing. The jokes are just coming out of me and I just really badly want to say them. I don’t internally think “ohh I want to be funny, so let me say something funny”.
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Point is, overall sos help. Because I do feel a bit out of control right now.
Anyways worked for a bit, and then we made TikTok videos. It took a while to convience everyone with the new girl, but the end results were so funny, got everyone bonding.
We then went to dinner and the food was actually really good. I made everyone take pictures and videos for fun. We even recorded my white coworker eating butter chicken for the first time. Point is, I again definetely wasn’t chill or holding back. But I also wasn’t drained being myself.
I had tons of energy to hang out so I made everyone go to a dispensary, because they were going to go out and drink again. Sometimes I think about how crazy this is to a new person joining because we literally hang out like friends.
We went to a bar afterwards and they were playing latin music. Somehow I started dancing with one of my coworkers and it was going good. I was stumbling but he was good, and then my other coworker asked me to dance and that went crazy. Like I was soooo impressed. He was so good, and I was shocked but that’s probably the best I’ve ever done dancing salsa. Definitely a core memory. My boss ended up leaving and gave me the credit card. The new girl’s boyfriend ended up coming, and idk what it is but I still don’t like him. I feel like he’s holding her potential. I can sense he’s a bit insecure, so she puts a lot of energy into him. If she put that same energy into herself, she’s be really successful because she has that naturally in her. I have a feeling they’re not going to get married.
We went to a club first, but it was dead. That’s when my other coworker said his gf got pulled over and gave her 3 tickets, so he was stressing a bit. Tbh i’m kind of shocked at how his girlfriend uses his credit card/car for everything. Like he’s the one that’s paying the tickets too. I’ve personally never been comfortable to that level to almost shamelessly have someone pay for everything. I feel like I have way too much independence and pride, almost like my mom.
Anyways, we then went to a hookah lounge. There I was a bit chill and didn’t really feel like talking. I kind of wanted to figure out what pictures I was going to post on my IG, so I was literally going to sit in a corner and do that. The edible didn’t really hit me there but it started hitting me on the way back home.
Intuition - Whatever, I’m honestly just going to go with the flow. If I feel like oozing my personality, it is what it is until further notice.
8/10 - I felt like I didn’t have control over my personality, but I also felt free.
Energy:
50% - Trying to control my energy
50% - Energy oozing out
