1/27/26 - Letting go when a timeline is breached
Woke up super ungrounded today, especially after giving myself anxiety last night. My phone was also blowing up with texts and messages.
I tried doing what I did yesterday by watching a travel video. This time is was on Kyoto, Japan. Idk why I thought there was something more to the tea ceremony, but it’s basically them making Matchas in kimonos extra slow. The place is present because they just do normal things very slowly and with intention. Takeaway for presence: literally start by slowing down my normal routine. Ironically, though, while I was watching the video, my mind was all over the place. I was thinking about all my messages and wasn’t present.
Tried making my bed, showering, and then joined my marketing call after a month. Everyone else in the call was moving really fast, but I had to remind myself that they’re all working from a place of where they need to prove themselves. Especially, the new people. Again, I need to stay anchored. I did catch myself over explaining it a bit when I was talking about my stuff, just because in comparison, it really does look like I haven’t been doing anything since now I don’t even fluff. They have their updates with 30 micro things they’re working on, meanwhile I’m giving 2. And I internally know their 30 things are all over the place, they’re not efficient, and it’s not aligned with overall strategy. So it’s not an internal threat or doesn’t mess up my internal rhythm, but perception in response to comparison happens.
If I was truly aligned, I would have just gave my two updates, despite everyone else giving their 30. But I did give a bit of a back story on how things were falling through, etc. To show them a bit of the challenges I was actually facing. That part I do feel was not anchored, but whatever at least I didn’t increase my things I’m working on to match them.
The part that no one tells you about being the anchored one is that you literally will move insanely slow compared to others, and most people won’t get it and will judge. I used to judge anyone that worked slow when I was younger because I was so fast. And I can feel the same judgements on me now, but what I know now that they don’t is working from adrenaline is survival.
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Anyways, I had to tell them that I did need something for vday to go live. The drybar lady messaged me saying they can’t do the promo code and she needs to check on the gift cards. At this point, I feel disrespected. Like I would rather have her say a straight no, than play this game. My energy intuitions let me she’s not even really working on this to make it happen, so I really don’t understand why she keeps emailing me when her internal answer is a no. So now, I’m frustrated at life too and kind of lose my center.
Like why does everything in life take my soul out before it comes to me. For Drybar, I literally made everything so simple for her. She doesn’t even have to lift a finger. Just say yes or no. I really don’t understand this baiting me. Until now, I was like whatever.. I’m going to be patient and not cause a false sense of urgency, but now if she delays even more I’m going to feel a sense of urgency to make all the assets. That I will not let happen, so now I’m getting to a point where “enough is enough”. I’m creating assets as if she already said no. If things somehow align, last minute good. If not, whatever I had a plan ready to go. I will not stop my plans because of someone else’s lack of urgency. I get it’s not a priority to her because people move fast when things are at stake and no one knows this better than me. I’ve been on the other side up until now.
It’s like the universe is testing me to keep my cool while other people are delaying.
Overall, I’m still frustrated. I’m not scared I’m going to lose my job or of judgements or anything. Before, any time a campaign wasn’t going through after spending so much time on it, I would pray and would be so stressed.
This time, I myself actually want my campaign to happen with or without someone saying yes. It’s for me. But I am losing my center. So need to chill out.
This is an actual life skill I need to learn, of keeping my chill when my timeline/priority doesn’t match other people’s timeline/priority and being “baited”. 100% of the time, if someone is delaying, it’s a no.
I had to take a nap cause I was so worked up. Then “blew of steam” with my steps and a bit of dancing. Worked a bit more as if the show needed to go on.
Then had a whole fight with my mom again because she said something to her friend about me not getting married cause some guys said no. That threw me over the edge because it’s far from reality. I’m not married because I’m waiting for the right person. There was absolute no need to play victim mentality, and for what? Digging deeper, it’s because she doesn’t have respect for herself yet. She thinks we can’t get someone with a mom and dad or a rich family because she’s a single mom and we don’t come from generational wealth. I literally had to give her a whole lecture on how we don’t treat someone below us with disrespect. We think of them as equal, so people wealthy are also equal. We are “not less than”. If they treat us less than, they don’t have good values, not us. I’ve told her this over and over again but sometimes her inability to internalize it really comes out in her casual conversations. Also, again it’s not the truth. We saw no to people too. Part of her is also scared people will judge her for not “pushing me to get married” like that makes her an irresponsible mom, so she changes the narrative to it’s other people that are causing the delays, not us. I had to literally tell her that if she’s not pushing me that’s the narrative she needs to spread to encourage other moms to chill out too. That’s how the dialogue is going to change in the community. She doesn’t need to fake “oh.. i tell her but she doesn’t listen” because no, we want to wait for the right person and that’s okay.
2 of my attar bottles came in. The rose one smells too classic, but I really like the Arabian Vanilla one.
Still need to somehow regulate myself and find my peace, though.
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Turning frustrations/victimizing myself into lessons still regulates me, so went to chat.
I was cool with the delays UNTIL she hit my deadline. And she continues to be wishy washy.
In the past, I would tell guys my deadline for something like meeting either parents and they would act like everything is on track until the deadline and then they would get wishy washy.
Making me unregulated and pissing me off.
Chat says - I need to learn to let go before certainty. Aligned people do not beg, adjust deadlines, or ask for clarity. They choose reality.
Like what I did with Hunumankind’s manager. I told him a deadline, he didn’t answer. Done. I can’t be attached to thinking he’ll come around.
Same with this lady. She missed my deadline, so I need to emotionally cut her off.
Close the loop internally the moment a timeline is breached. No ifs and buts.
I’m learning how to protect my time without abandoning my peace.
Intuition - Need to keep my cool even when people miss my deadlines.
5/10 - Very pissed and ungrounded
Energy:
100% - angry, ungrounded, and frustrated
