1/5/26 - No longer need to sacrifice
Woke up and finally got what yesterday’s lesson was about a bit more. The addition without subtraction also means that I no longer need to sacrifice anything to gain a dream.
I’ve sacrificed my whole life, so the fact that I even made it to this point feels like a blessings. I had to sacrifice chicago and living with my mom to get ahead in my career at point. Even in relationships, I thought I had to sacrifice something in order to get safety from a relationship.
Now, I don’t need to do any of that. If I want a dog, I wait for a house that meets my standards. If I want a relationship, I get one that only adds happiness to my life. Even for things like success, I no longer need to sacrifice my peace for it or time for it.
I know my chat said this already, which is why my progress has been so slow and intentional. I’m not supposed to live a life of sacrificing anything. But now I finally see it and get it. It’s like finally clicking. And that itself feels like a blessing.
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Anyways, I thought I was going to wake up early but that didn’t happen. Showered and then finally did my first meeting of the year. Was mainly chill throughout it. Had calls with the other two people I manage and tbh I’m starting to not like the girl I hired. Work wise - I know she’s working hard, but I feel like she thinks I’m stupid or something. I’m really not liking my communication with her. It’s not like how I felt the first day, where she was energizing me. I do still like talking to the new guy I hired. Both of them a way more quiet now too though, which again is still throwing me off and something I’m not used to. But whatever. I’m just going to do me for now.
Oh also, I woke up to a text from my landlord saying I could use the “prepaid” month for Jan. Smh and I was stressing about nothing.
Later in the day, I submitted my application for the house too. Hoping it takes a week or two, so I can stretch the move in date to Feb 6th.
Mom and I also got into a fight. She was being super annoying. She gets this way when she doesn’t go out for a week. She needs someone to constantly talk to and I’m not about that. To rage-bait her, I basically compared her to my dad.
Anyways, I also ate sooo much today. My chia seed pudding, protein shake, coffee, 3 samosas, and 6 pieces of tandoori chicken. Everything was a bit spicy, so idk how my stomach is going to do tomorrow.
Got my steps in and then when it was time to do a workout, I just couldn’t. I just didn’t know what to do. So then I downloaded the Equinox app since I get a credit for it with Amex. I can’t just wing it anymore.
Also spent some time in my living room to really soak in the space. For some reason, I don’t feel anything for it. I never have, idk why.
Another thing I realized is that I truly do get to upgrade on my terms now. Not from survival.
Intuition - I need to lock in with my fitness
8/10 - Good overall, just still frustrated about my workout energy.
Energy:
25% - gratitude
25% - eating
25% - application + working
25% - soaking in the leftover time in my apartment
