9/21 - triggers

I thought I was emotionally regulated until today when my mom started pulling out all the childhood triggers.

Control. Emotional manipulation. Victimizing

She controls by emotionally manipulating me for things I can and cannot do. She starts crying. She has panic attacks. And then she starts victimizing her life by saying how alone she is and how her life sucks.

All of this to gain control. And I see it all. And it drives me crazy. There is absolutely no emotional regulation. It drives me to insanity. Especially, if I’m hungry.

I need to break free from this. I’ve leaned all this from her.

When I don’t get my way I start victimizing and crying. And this can no longer happen. I need to heal from this and I need to figure out what to do every time she does something like this. Is leaving the house healthy?

How do I control my anger?

6/10 - today just felt super exhausting and overwhelming